Not everyone celebrates Christmas but most of them have probably paid their cell phone bills already

Oh, you're Jewish? I'm sorry

I was talking to a fellow volunteer last week and I asked her if she was ready for Christmas. Then she said, No, I still have to get a few Hannukah gifts. And I was like I'm sorry. And then I had to clarify exactly why I was sorry. So I quickly explained that I wasn't sorry she was Jewish but I was sorry that I assumed she celebrated Christmas. Oy.


----------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello this is the United States calling

I haven't paid my cell phone bill yet because I figured if the world is ending, why bother. I'd like to call Japan and Sri Lanka and run up the bill, too. But I don't know anyone in either place so that ends that. Plus, if the world really doesn't end I'll have a huge phone bill and Bill will be like, Why did you call Japan and Sri Lanka? And I really don't want to answer for my phone calls. Somehow I think, because I felt like it wouldn't go over very well.

Thanks a lot, Mayans

This year, for the first time ever I am on top of all things Christmas.

Cards. Almost done and being sent out this weekend.
Shopping. Almost done.
Wrapping. Begun.

This is a big deal for me because I'm usually out with all the other nuts buying things at the last minute (we're talking Christmas eve day) like a mad woman. And every year I swear that next Christmas I will be better prepared. Kinda like being hung over and pukey the day after a lot of drinking and swearing that you'll never ever drink again.

This year is different. I am fully prepared. I'm talking lists. And notes. I'm so organized it's frightening. Even Bill is a little wary. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe he prefers me to be a stark-raving holiday lunatic.


However, and it figures, that the one year I am so ready for Christmas, the world is coming to an end four days before. So. Not. Fair. Thanks a lot, Mayans!

Changing my name

I'm changing my name. And yes it has everything to do with the recent hurricane which has seriously impacted the Northeast. I'm taking a page from Prince. Thus I shall be referred to as "The Woman Formerly Known As Sandy". I haven't come up with a proper symbol yet, but I'm working on it.


And I don't remember anyone asking me for permission to use my name. There are at least 60 other names beginning with "S" that could have been used. I know because I counted. I considered suing but I figured they might tell me to "blow it out my rear" and considering how much damage the wind has already done with its blowing, it might be best to let this go.

I told my mom it was her fault for naming me. Then she reminded me that my given name is actually Sandra so my argument was invalid. She says Po-tay-to, I say Po-tah-to.

At one point last night, Bill told me "I" had been downgraded. This made me happy as I immediately thought of lessening winds and rain and this whole thing quickly going away. Then he explained that I was no longer a hurricane and instead just a pain-in-the-ass. Thanks a lot, funny man. 

Juliet famously asked, "What's in a name...?" Oh Juliet, you were at odds because of your family name. My name was tagged onto a hurricane. And not just any hurricane either, oh no, this one goes down in the books. Hurricane Sandy couldn't just turn into a little tropical storm that blew out to sea leaving everyone in its possible path to rejoice. Of course not.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in the corner cursing my namesake with the Katrinas and Irenes.


*Note: In all seriousness, I'm from NJ and watching so many places that I am personally familiar with be devastated was and is disheartening. My thoughts and prayers to all those affected.

Zombies vs. Aliens

Last night Little Man and Bill were looking up movies to rent from Red Box. They debated between "Alien Apocalypse", "Zombie Apocalypse" and a few others.  Then a question arose of which would wipe us out first, aliens or zombies. So I said, "Duh. Everyone knows the zombie apocalypse will happen first." And here's my logic:

 There are tons of scientists conducting research on how to cure the diseases of the world. All we need is one who is evil has questionable morals and bam! Instant zombie virus. Let's not forget that a flesh eating bacteria already exists.

Anyway, once the zombie virus has infected everyone and we're all vulnerable and mindless the aliens will swoop down and attack us, thus creating the alien apocalypse.

However, if the aliens eat our brains they will become zombie aliens and if they can't defeat our mass zombie army and some escape without knowing that they are infected they could go out into space and create an Inter-galactic zombie alien apocalypse.

Yeah. I know. Crazy. And by crazy I'm talking about my brain and the unsettling thoughts that live there. I feel bad for whatever zombie eats it.

Oh and the boys finally decided against renting a movie and watched TV instead.

VS.

Shake, Rattle & Roll

I miss all the good stuff since I moved away. A 5.8 earthquake hit D.C. today and was felt up and down the East Coast as far as Albany, NY and down to the Carolinas, even as far as Detroit. People panicked. Buildings were evacuated. It must have been a crazy scene. Me, I would have loved it. But that's because I'm not normal and because I experienced one in the Earthquake Capital of California many years ago when I was on vacation with a good friend. Nothing makes you feel more alive than watching your belongings shake and feeling the floor move on its own. I am glad that no one was seriously injured today and no major damage was done.