No matter how many times they ask, No! I DO NOT want to continue

I was logged into the Google Docs calendar site at work and I saw this weird eye-with long lashes looking icon on the toolbar. So, naturally, I clicked on it. This was for the "Word of the Day" which turned out to be 'Taphephobia', the fear of being buried alive. Morbid. And also very Kill Bill-ish.

Then a small window appeared that said, "This page has an unspecified potential security risk. Would you  like to continue?" So I selected No. The window re-popped open. I hit No, again. Same thing. Then I thought, what the hell and clicked Yes. Still, the same little window re-opened. I tried to "X" out of the entire Google site. Nope. A ping noise and the same stupid little window. It was clearly mocking me with its threat of a potential security risk and incessant continuation question.

No! No, I don't want to continue!

And now I'm starting to panic like, This window is never going to close and will stay open forever because I had to be a Techie-Pandora and click on that damn icon! I started to develop Compu-open-windowaphobia - the fear of computer windows that won't close. (I made that word up. Just thought I'd let you know so you don't get stuck in some security risk website while looking it up.)

I began to click "No" "Yes" and "Esc" again and again because, when in doubt just press buttons. And finally that annoying window closed. Whew! Big sigh of relief. Then  I swore to NEVER click on strange tabs again no matter how curious I am or how interesting they look.

That lasted about 5 minutes until I decided that this would be a funny story to share and I couldn't remember the word of the day except that it started with a "ta" and so I had to click the icon again And the whole window-not-going-away and me clicking "No" a hundred times happened all over again.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I was watching some show and one of the characters went on a job interview and this question was asked. That got me thinking of the many times I was asked this same question during an interview.

Of course I always gave the standard professional blah blah answer. But in my head the answer was far more entertaining. Or snarky, depending on how you look at it.

Where do I see myself in five years?

I "see" myself retired, wealthy and lying on a beach somewhere with my toes in the sand and a cold drink in my hand. Preferably looking fabulous in my bathing suit as well.

The reality is I see myself doing pretty much what I am now only hopefully making more money and of course, looking fabulous in my clothes.

Quite frankly I think this is a bullshit question. And I know it's designed to give the Interviewer a look at a candidate's professional longevity, their personality or weirdness (as would be the case with me) but seriously who cares? For all we know the Earth could be overtaken by machines in an electrical/robot revolution in five years. Hopefully the robot overlords would give me a job designation on a beach.

I wonder what any of those Interviewers would have said if I had given these as my answers. Who knows, I might have gotten the job. Or at the very least a chuckle. Or my very own padded cell. With crayons.

Spaghettios by any other brand is not the same when you sing the jingle

The other night my kid wanted Spaghettios for dinner. Don't judge. In my defense, he's a picky eater so I'll happily make whatever he wants so long as he eats it. Anyway, while dumping it into the pot I noticed the label. Campbell's completely did away with the Franco-American name its cans. When did this happen and why the hell wasn't I told?


 

Now I can't sing the song. Remember the cute little jingle that kids sang during the commercial?

The jingle how I remember it:

The neat round spaghetti you can eat with a spoon
Uh-oh Spaghettios
Franco-American

The jingle now that they changed the name:

The neat round spaghetti you can eat with a spoon
Uh oh Spaghettios
Campbells

It just falls flat. Which is why I didn't put "Campbells " in italics in the song. What the hell people?! Way to kill a childhood memory!

Follow the Exit signs, if you can find them

We were swimming at a local hotel this past Sunday. It was a beautiful day and the water in the pool was perfect but that's not what this post is about.

As we were leaving the room my brother had stayed in for the weekend (a mini staycation of sorts) and walking down the hall to the elevator I saw some exit signs. Nothing unusual, right? Well, these were on their sides and on the bottom of the wall.

Way to go Exit Sign installer.

This struck me as both weird and curious. What the hell with these Exit signs, I thought out loud. Then Bill said, It's so the drunk people when they fall down on the floor, they can find the exits easier. Hmm, seems logical. And considerate, too. Nicely done, Hotel.

And this is why I prefer shopping at home

Ah the joys of online shopping. You can do it while wearing pajamas or the stained, crappy clothes you reserve only for laundry day. You don't have to venture into the heat thus peeling yourself out of the car each time you need to go into a store. And lastly, you don't have to deal with weird nonsense like I did this past weekend.

A week ago I bought a pair of summery pants. I was on the fence about them but I paid for them anyway. Then when I got home I had buyer's remorse and decided I did not like them as much as I thought I did. And then Sandra Bullock's voice echoed in my head that line from the Blind Side "If you don't absolutely love it in the store you won't wear it; the store's where you like it best." When I went to return them I found out that their return policy is even exchange or store credit only. No cash back. Well, this sucks. So basically they are holding my money hostage and forcing me to buy products from them. I took the store credit which I will use in the future and then never buy from there again.

Next I had to stop in at Target. On my way from the car to the entrance I was approached by a couple asking for gas money. Their "story" was that they left their house without a wallet and have no money for gas to get home. Weird. For good measure the boyfriend/husband/accomplice added that they drove up to see the OB/GYN. Okay....what? They both left the house without a wallet? He's driving around with no ID or driver's license? And I'm fairly certain there isn't a doctor around who will see you without showing them your insurance card or having any money to pay for the visit. This all sounded a little funky to me. I wanted to say all this but instead I told them I never carry cash on hand.

Now before anyone calls me an unsympathetic beetch let me say that I have in the past given money to pan-handlers. I do support several charities and I can be a sucker for a hard luck case. But these two looked and sounded as suspicious as their story.

My last stop took me to a place where all I wanted was to purchase a gift card/certificate. However, the cashier, who was very sweet and apologetic, told me that they were under new management and that gift certs were suspended until all the old information was gone. Whatever that means. Weird.

All of this plus the simple convenience are why I plan to do more online shopping from the comfort of my home while wearing my yoga pants and Avengers t-shirt and eating ice cream.

If you ask me a question, be prepared for an unusual reply

I might have mentioned that there has been a lot of construction and new home building going on in my area. Yay for progress! But sometimes the added traffic really blows. However, that's not what this post is about. I have a curious mind. A little twisted but still quite curious and so with all of this building I want to know if any bodies have been unearthed?

I admit at first it seems like a morbid and odd question. But, if you know me, you know that it's not that odd. Allow me to explain my reason for asking. Back in the day when only the Vegas Strip and downtown areas were inhabited, where I live was nothing but desert. And in those days the Mob ran things and probably traveled out here to dispose of their enemies, never thinking that one day people might be living here. I can't be the only one to think of this.

So with that in mind, a contractor could have dug up a body or two. Maybe a torso or a skull. I haven't heard anything yet and I check the news almost daily. Unless someone did find something and they're keeping it hushed up so as not to alarm potential buyers. I don't know why, though. I would consider it a selling point. But that's just me.

My only concern would be that they remove the body before building on it because no one wants to have a Poltergeist situation on their hands. While it might be cool to turn around and find your kitchen chairs stacked on your kitchen table in pyramid formation or to go sliding down the kitchen floor, I draw the line at monster trees and your kid being held captive in some demon dimension.

My mom and I were discussing all the construction going on. She wants to know if they plan to build any new schools to accommodate all the families with kids moving in. Good question. She asked what I thought and I replied with my question about finding any bodies. Then she gave me a look that was a cross between How can I be sure there wasn't a mix-up in the hospital when you were born and Lord, where did I go wrong?  She's never not sorry that she asks these questions. In my defense, she really should know better by now.

Anyway, I decided that the next time Bill and I go check out some newly built houses (Because we're nosy Josies, not that we're looking to move) and the sales rep asks if we have any questions I'm going to reply, Have your contractors found any bodies? It's a valid question. And I'm sure it's one they haven't been asked before. I anticipate a similar look to the one my mother gave me.

My cell phone is an evil little prankster

My cell phone is routinely confused and acts like it's been in the sauce. I'm not kidding. Check it: I have it set up to read the time, date, temperature and weather with the background pic displaying day or evening. Simple, right?

So, why at 3:10 in the afternoon is it showing night time? It's not like I live in some Polar region where night lasts for months. I live in the friggin' desert! Notice that above where it says Las Vegas in the lower right of the square, the sun is showing. Weird.

Liar, it's not really night time.

If I swipe to the second page and then back to this main page a few times it automatically changes from night to day time. Like my phone is trying to say, Ta-da! It's magic!  I suspect my phone is just messing with me like some evil little prankster. Or at the very least this is revenge for all the times I call it Stupid.

Silly phone, you were just pranking me.

A weird post about pills, teeth and odd sentimentalities

I was cutting a pill in half on my nightstand one evening and one half stayed on the table and the other flew into my open drawer.

And why was the drawer open?

Because that's where I keep the knife.

And why do I keep a knife in my night table drawer?

Well, first of all, it's only a butter knife. I just thought I would clarify that before anyone thought otherwise and started watching the evening news for reports about a homicidal blogger. And no, I don't get cravings for buttered toast in the middle of the night. But I needed it for a similar reason when I was going off some meds a while back and had to start taking half doses. I just never returned it to the kitchen cutlery drawer. I'm lazy like that. And also forgetful, which explains that Payless coupon I came across from 2007. Besides one never knows when one might need a knife. They come in quite handy when you need a screwdriver but don't have one around.

So anyway, while searching for that half piece among all my jewelry, assorted papers, and other knick-knacks (hello Batman action figure), I found several loose teeth. I know, disturbing. Each time I saw a small piece of white I fished it out only to find it was a tooth.

At first there was disappointment. Where the hell is that damn pill half? Then, confusion. Why are there loose teeth in here?

Weird. This whole post is weird.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the teeth belonged to Chris and fell out of a tissue they were in.

Why are his teeth in a tissue in my drawer?

Because I keep all the baby teeth he's lost. I'm oddly sentimental like that. Maybe I'm just plain odd. The husband says that's not only an obvious statement but an understatement.

In case you're wondering, I did finally find that stupid pill half. I now cut my pills with the drawer closed. The knife still remains in the drawer. The teeth are all in an enclosed zip-lock baggie. I cannot promise that this will be the last weird post.

Road signs and their concerns and questions

Is it me or does something look different around here? Oh yeah, I changed the background color, some fonts and made a few other modifications. Call it Spring Cleaning. Or boredom. Now on to today's post. Yes, another blog entry so close to the last one. It's like the old days when I actually had more than 4 posts in a month. I'm almost giddy with excitement over this. Almost.
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A week ago we went to Mt. Charleston for the day. Chris was on Spring Break so we took advantage of the beautiful day. It was also about 20 degrees cooler, too. We even saw patches of snow and Chris was able to make a sloppy snowball and throw it at his dad. That made his day. The snow playing, not the snowball throwing. Anyway, the views were amazing and the air was clear.

While driving around I saw some signs that made me laugh and so I had Bill pull over so I could take a picture of one. I'm not sure what to make of this.

I'm more concerned with this sign.

Who's concerned? And why? I saw no water around to be concerned about. Unless they mean the water being supplied to the people who live here. But that would be more of a plumbing issue I think. Then again, I don't live here so it doesn't really concern me.


There was also a sign that said one mile with an arrow and a question mark. I couldn't get a picture of that sign without making Bill pull over precariously close to the edge of a 20 ft drop but it made me laugh nonetheless. Here's a crude reproduction I drew but you get the general idea.

I mean if they don't know what's up ahead then by all means let's just drive along and be surprised. It'll be an adventure!

We plan on visiting there again (the mountain, not the sign), maybe when there's more snow for Chris to play in. Hopefully the questions and concerns are diminished by then.

Confusing and weird job hunting communications

I'm still job hunting. And I still come across some weirdness when it comes to how companies communicate with prospective applicants.

Here's a recent example:

I applied to a job ad. I got a confirmation email that my application was received. So far, so good. Then, a couple days later I receive two emails from the company. Both started off with the obligatory Thank you for your interest in employment with our company. Then the first one continued with (and I'm paraphrasing) At this time we have decided to not move forward with your application.

The second email, time-stamped 2 seconds after the first one, said, We regret to inform you that this position has been canceled.

Confused much?

If you're that disorganized of a company then I'm happy to not work for you. And I thank you for saving me the trouble of smacking the shit out of you at a later date with the company stapler.

I briefly thought about sending my own two emails. One saying that I have decided not to move forward with my application for your position and the other saying that my interest in your company has been canceled. But most businesses these days send their generic emails from a NoReply email address so there went that idea.

In the meantime, still searching for my dream job as Movie Quote Extraordinaire with unlimited pizza eating perks. 

At first these are funny, but then, I wash my hands of this weirdness

 Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a while. So here, Captain Jack Sparrow and some weird/funny pics to make up for it. Enjoy and happy ha-ha's!

 

I love trolling the Internet for funny images, stories and whatnot. I came across these which at first made me laugh but then I thought, I wash my hands of this weirdness.


Oh, so you're supposed to open the doors first before entering. Bump on head fully explained now.

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Apparently sleeping with the fishes is prohibited here.

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Trees falling out of nowhere and onto your car definitely counts as the unexpected.

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Halloween weirdness

It's Halloween week. So, naturally I thought I would post some festive weirdness. These things reinforce my belief that there's a lot of weird in the world and Jim Morrison was right when he sang, "People Are Strange".

Some take an ordinary pumpkin and transform it into a Jack-O-Lantern work of art. And then there are those who take carving to a whole other level. Check out these weird pumpkin masterpieces. 

Am I the only one who thought of Mike Wazowski from "Monsters, Inc."? Probably.

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  Is this your handiwork, Calvin & Hobbes?

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There's an awful lot wrong with the person who carved this. That doesn't mean I don't like it. That also doesn't make it any less disturbing.

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When it comes to Halloween costumes it seems like nothing is off limits. This one is practical because you never know when ya gotta go.

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Pound sign? Tic Tac Toe? At first I couldn't tell what this was but then I saw the cell phone in her hand and it made sense. Hashtag. #Imapoundsigndressedasatictactoegame.

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I've been seeing a lot of banana costumes this year. I'm not sure what that's about. Here's a lime wedge costume, which I thought at first was a banana that wasn't ripe yet.

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I wash my hands of this weirdness

Here are some amusingly weird things I've overheard and participated in recently. Who knows, this could become a weekly segment entitled: "I wash my hands of this weirdness."

My kid and I stopped in at McDonald's for a quick lunch one early afternoon. Actually it was around 11:30 in the morning but since they stop breakfast at 10:30 (idk, weird hour) let's call it lunch. So we were seated across from this couple that were about my parents age. They had the table covered with papers and files and her laptop and a coffee cup. A heated discussion ensued. Then the man casually says, "We should get something to eat."

Of course, how novel, you are after all in an eating establishment, I think to myself.

Then he asks the woman, "You want to go to Fuddruckers?" Then they pack up and leave McDonald's. To go eat somewhere else. I so wanted to follow them and see if this was a pattern. Maybe they sat in Fuddruckers and while eating their meal debated on going to Wendy's for something to drink?

Weird.

Last week I went to the bank to deposit a birthday check my son received. Here's how that turned out:

Teller: (after looking at check and my signature) Is this your son?

Now, I wanted to smart-ass her and say something like, No, I was standing in the checkout at Wal-Mart when some random woman asked me if I could deposit her son's check.

Me: Yes.

Then she looked at the check again and back at me.

Me: If you need him to come verify I'll have to sign him out of P.E. class first.

Teller: No, no but you need to indicate that you are his mother on the back of the check.

So I had to write "Mom" next to my signature. (Curious, are women coming into banks and depositing strange kids' checks? Is this a thing?)

Teller: (while completing the transaction) Have you ever thought about opening up a savings account for your son?

Me: (a little confused) Um, he already has one, this one that you're depositing the money into.

Teller: Oh, right. I'm sorry.

Weird.