No matter how many times they ask, No! I DO NOT want to continue

I was logged into the Google Docs calendar site at work and I saw this weird eye-with long lashes looking icon on the toolbar. So, naturally, I clicked on it. This was for the "Word of the Day" which turned out to be 'Taphephobia', the fear of being buried alive. Morbid. And also very Kill Bill-ish.

Then a small window appeared that said, "This page has an unspecified potential security risk. Would you  like to continue?" So I selected No. The window re-popped open. I hit No, again. Same thing. Then I thought, what the hell and clicked Yes. Still, the same little window re-opened. I tried to "X" out of the entire Google site. Nope. A ping noise and the same stupid little window. It was clearly mocking me with its threat of a potential security risk and incessant continuation question.

No! No, I don't want to continue!

And now I'm starting to panic like, This window is never going to close and will stay open forever because I had to be a Techie-Pandora and click on that damn icon! I started to develop Compu-open-windowaphobia - the fear of computer windows that won't close. (I made that word up. Just thought I'd let you know so you don't get stuck in some security risk website while looking it up.)

I began to click "No" "Yes" and "Esc" again and again because, when in doubt just press buttons. And finally that annoying window closed. Whew! Big sigh of relief. Then  I swore to NEVER click on strange tabs again no matter how curious I am or how interesting they look.

That lasted about 5 minutes until I decided that this would be a funny story to share and I couldn't remember the word of the day except that it started with a "ta" and so I had to click the icon again And the whole window-not-going-away and me clicking "No" a hundred times happened all over again.

The future is today

Great Scott! It's been 30 years since we first went back in time with Marty and the Doc in a DeLorean. But more importantly, today, October 21, 2015, marks the exact day that Marty traveled into the future. Back then the year 2015 seemed so far away. It was also easy to believe there would be flying cars, hover boards, and the Cubs in the World Series. However, the sad reality is that cars don't fly, skateboards don't hover and the Cubs, well, I'm a Mets fan so....

This past summer I got to see the DeLorean and other assorted Back To The Future items when one of our local libraries had them on display. Being such huge fans of the movie, naturally we had to go. (The "we" in this refers mainly to me and my kid. Bill is a fan but not nearly as ridiculously obsessive as we are. And by ridiculously obsessive I mean we quote from it often and watch it whenever it's on TV, even though I own all three of the movies.)

 

Sadly, they wouldn't even let me sit in it to pose for a pic. With all the buttons and dials in that time machine  Bill might say that it's for the best, especially considering my penchant for pushing every button until I find the one that works. With my luck, if I were Marty, the DeLorean would stall. Then I'd do the obligatory banging of my fist against the flux capacitor, turning the key in the ignition 57 times and pressing all buttons. This would probably lead to me ending up in some other dimension. Or, quite possibly destroying the space-time continuum.



It's weird to think that after today, Back To The Future II will  technically be taking place in the past. Marty and the Doc will be traveling into their future, which would now be our past. I know, this is heavy.

What was said vs. What I heard

Overhearing other people's conversations is sometimes inevitable. It's not that I want to hear what people are saying but when I do, well, it's like a game of telephone gone bad. Shit gets lost in translation.

For example, I walked into a convo-in-progress in the break room at work.

What was said: "I heard he had surgery."

What I heard: " I heard he has herpes."

My bugged out eyes and subsequent giggling led me to reveal what I "thought" was said. Everyone was hysterical despite my inappropriate, if not downright questionable, sense of hearing.

Then, another time at work...

What was said: "Do you like nuts?"

What I heard: "Are you like, nuts?"

This interpretation also brought the house down. And then the entire conversation took a sharp turn right into the gutter. Thankfully, I had nothing to do with that. After all I have a hard enough time deciphering what's being said without adding my own dirty two cents. Now, if only people would speak more clearly when I'm around, but then, where's the fun in that?

A lesson in kindness

One day last weekend I took my son to McDonald's for dinner. I'd like to say it was a rare treat but let's be honest here. In his defense he wanted Subway, which might be a bit healthier, but I wasn't feeling it so McD's it was. Sometimes I wonder just who is the parent and who's the child? But that's not what this post is about.

Even though I shared a meal with my kid that would make all health nuts cringe and most moms look at me with disapproval, I was also able to share a lesson in kindness. I'm thinking the importance of that makes up for my poor food choices.

The counter-person who took our order greeted us with a smile, repeated our order for accuracy and collected our food all with a wonderful attitude. She seemed to have pride in her work and it showed.

We ate in the restaurant and all through the meal I kept hearing her as she served each patron with the same great attitude she gave us.

I decided that since we were already fairly deep in the unhealthy rabbit hole, why not just go all the way, and so I went back and ordered us chocolate chip cookies. While at the counter I told the server what a great job she was doing. She grabbed her manager and I repeated my praise of her service. They both thanked me and then I was asked to mention this on the survey they advertise on their receipts.

On the way home, my son said, "You did a nice thing, Mom." I replied, "It's kindness and the world needs more of it." Those of you who have read my blog before know that I like to praise and recognize people for giving outstanding service.

I'd like to think that if she was having a bad day I made it a little better. Or, if the rest of her day hit a few bumps after I left that she can think back on my words and smile. We don't know her story. Maybe she's a struggling single mom. Maybe she's a student putting herself through school. Either way she's working in an industry where the employees have a bad rep. and she's doing a kick-ass job.

Later that evening I filled out the online survey and sang high praises of the counter-person. I only hope that my words were passed on to the appropriate people and maybe she benefited with some sort of bonus or incentive. Wink wink, nudge nudge McDonald's peeps.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

I was watching some show and one of the characters went on a job interview and this question was asked. That got me thinking of the many times I was asked this same question during an interview.

Of course I always gave the standard professional blah blah answer. But in my head the answer was far more entertaining. Or snarky, depending on how you look at it.

Where do I see myself in five years?

I "see" myself retired, wealthy and lying on a beach somewhere with my toes in the sand and a cold drink in my hand. Preferably looking fabulous in my bathing suit as well.

The reality is I see myself doing pretty much what I am now only hopefully making more money and of course, looking fabulous in my clothes.

Quite frankly I think this is a bullshit question. And I know it's designed to give the Interviewer a look at a candidate's professional longevity, their personality or weirdness (as would be the case with me) but seriously who cares? For all we know the Earth could be overtaken by machines in an electrical/robot revolution in five years. Hopefully the robot overlords would give me a job designation on a beach.

I wonder what any of those Interviewers would have said if I had given these as my answers. Who knows, I might have gotten the job. Or at the very least a chuckle. Or my very own padded cell. With crayons.

Spaghettios by any other brand is not the same when you sing the jingle

The other night my kid wanted Spaghettios for dinner. Don't judge. In my defense, he's a picky eater so I'll happily make whatever he wants so long as he eats it. Anyway, while dumping it into the pot I noticed the label. Campbell's completely did away with the Franco-American name its cans. When did this happen and why the hell wasn't I told?


 

Now I can't sing the song. Remember the cute little jingle that kids sang during the commercial?

The jingle how I remember it:

The neat round spaghetti you can eat with a spoon
Uh-oh Spaghettios
Franco-American

The jingle now that they changed the name:

The neat round spaghetti you can eat with a spoon
Uh oh Spaghettios
Campbells

It just falls flat. Which is why I didn't put "Campbells " in italics in the song. What the hell people?! Way to kill a childhood memory!

Something to think on for this day

An inspirational quote in honor of the anniversary of 9/11.

The toughest job I ever had

Twelve years ago I took on a job that I was not fully qualified for and had no idea just how hard it would be.

The hours are long. There are no weekends or holidays off. I am on-call 24/7 even though my attendance isn't constantly in demand these days. It doesn't matter if I'm sick or tired, I still have to be there.

My job duties vary from cook to housekeeper to social activities director. I may be called on to act as chauffeur or counselor at any given time. I'm also a cheerleader and homework taskmaster.

Throughout it all I have learned much in my role. I know what RPG stands for and that Kraft makes the best mac 'n cheese. I continue to learn new things each day and with every passing year.

Knowing all of this you might be thinking, why did I apply?

Because the perks are amazing. I get unlimited hugs and kisses. I laugh a lot. I get to (sort of) experience a second childhood. And I am loved.

My official job title is "Mom" and this is the most important thing I've ever done in my life.

So, with that I'd like to wish my "employer", Christopher, a very Happy Birthday!


PS: In case you wanted to know, RPG stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade. I know this from listening to him go on about his "Halo" and "Call of Duty" video games. I may not understand what he's talking about half the time but I do listen and retain certain bits of info.

Take a left on Wicked Way

Last weekend we took a quick drive through this affluent community nearby. When I say affluent I'm talking - gated community with armed guards and your name has to be on the list to gain entry. Luckily Bill's co-worker lives there and put our name on "the list".

Anyway, it's a very large, very pretty and nicely maintained neighborhood. I wouldn't mind living there if I had a bajillion dollars. The only curious thing was the street names. There was no Main Street. No Third Ave. But there was Putting Green Drive. Granted, the area has a huge golf course, but still. There was also Ruff Skies Road and Dog Leg Street. Yeah, I'm not making this up.

Naturally I made fun of them all. Then I saw this:

Something wicked this way comes

Now there's a street I can live on. Of course, I had to take a picture and I'm sure the guy who was across the street puttering around in his garage thought I was probably casing the area in order to pull off a job. I guess that would be one way to afford to live there.

Too bad they had to add the wedge in there. Wicked Way would have been way cool. Also, notice the adjoining street name? "Even Par Drive". See what I mean? The developers are either huge golf fans or just non-creative.

Down the road from where I live now is a small community with street names like Van Halen Lane and Fogarty Drive and a few others so those developers must have been a bunch of cool rock 'n rollers.

Anyone else see unusual street names?

Book hangover

I'm hungover.

No, I didn't go out drinking into the wee hours only to wake up in a closet with my shirt on backwards.

What I have is a book hangover. I haven't had one of those in a long ass time. What is a book hangover, you ask? It's where you just finished reading a book and you can't get past it being over because you fell for the characters (especially the bad boy biker who you I fell in lust with) not to mention the exciting plot.

I've been catching up on some reading this summer with some quick, easy-to-read, trashy novels. Really enjoyed them, too. I'm also in the middle of a thrilling, detective book, which I put down to devour the book I can't get over. I literally bought my latest addictive book this past Friday night. Started it before bed and finished it Monday morning. Had I not been socially responsible and gone out to do some fun things with the family (not to mention take time to eat and sleep) I probably would have finished it on Saturday. Even while reading it I began to mourn the fact that it was going to end and I tried to slow down and savor the book but I couldn't help it and I drank that bitch down like the last beer at closing time.

Now I don't know what to do with myself. I have the urge to go re-read it and I never read a book twice because life's too short. I may go back to read through the dirty parts because yeah, I am that kinda girl.

So, what's this book that has me all funked up? It's called Motorcycle Man and it's the last in the Dream Man book series written by Kristen Ashley. Now normally if I like a book in a series I get 'em all and devour them like the Bookasaurus I am but in this case I liked these characters so much and because they won't be the central focus in the other books I don't wanna know 'em. Maybe, hopefully I'll come around.

Anyway, if you like trashy romances between sexy, badass bikers and fearless, headstrong women then I urge you to get in your car, on your motorcycle or on your broom to the nearest bookstore. But be forewarned that the language is graphic and the sex scenes are smoldering so if that ain't your thing, you should pass. I, on the other hand, am not easily offended, in fact, I appreciate real dialogue and happenings so this seriously appealed to me.

Oh and to point out the obvious, which I think I stated a time or 10 before, I'm easily influenced by a hot cover and the sexy smirk on the face which graced the cover of this book I bought is evidence of that.

Yes, yes I will climb on the back of your Harley.

Summer doings

I apologize for my lack of posting recently. Not that I've always been such a stellar blogger but I've been even more of a slacker and the reason is we've been busy enjoying the summer.

We spent a few days in Laughlin, Nevada which was nice. While there, we took a riverboat cruise so I got to cross that off my bucket list. Yahoo!

Apparently camping or RV-ing is a big thing there because each hotel had a section for RVs. This of course prompted us to quote Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation. "That there Clark, is an RV."

On our way out of Laughlin we stopped at a newer hotel/casino built by Indians. It was pretty and way out in the middle of nowhere, which can be cool if you're one to totally get away from it all, or if you're on the lam. Anyway, we passed some farmland and bales of hay prompting Bill to yell "Hay! (Hey)." Hilarious, I know, but it amused our kid. Okay, it amused me, too. I wanted to get out and take a picture of one of the bales but thought it would look weird or arouse suspicion from the guys nearby in the big farm machinery thing they were driving especially if the crops they were tending were non-legalized marijuana. Don't worry, guys, I'm from NJ; I didn't see nothin'.  

I've still got some other pics to upload for future posts and I need to sort my thoughts out so I can write more coherently (yeah, right). In the meantime, hope you are enjoying your summer!

  

Follow the Exit signs, if you can find them

We were swimming at a local hotel this past Sunday. It was a beautiful day and the water in the pool was perfect but that's not what this post is about.

As we were leaving the room my brother had stayed in for the weekend (a mini staycation of sorts) and walking down the hall to the elevator I saw some exit signs. Nothing unusual, right? Well, these were on their sides and on the bottom of the wall.

Way to go Exit Sign installer.

This struck me as both weird and curious. What the hell with these Exit signs, I thought out loud. Then Bill said, It's so the drunk people when they fall down on the floor, they can find the exits easier. Hmm, seems logical. And considerate, too. Nicely done, Hotel.

The last. . . A list of stuff I did

I thought I would share a little about myself in the context of the last whatever I did. I'm sure this will only serve to further indicate how cool/boring/unstable I am. I mean, seriously any of these descriptions apply. So here's a peek at some of the things I've enjoyed recently.

The Last. . .


Movie I saw
In theaters - The Avengers - Age of Ultron
At home - The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies


Book I read
A Tale of Two Vampires by Katie Macalister. I've been wanting to read her books for a long time now and I finally picked this one up last weekend at the library. Also, the hot guy on the cover might have influenced my decision.



Website I was on
Pinterest to see what people are reading, then Barnes & Noble to look up information about the books I saw on Pinterest and followed by a stop at the Las Vegas library site to see if any of the books were available. I'm not usually this detailed about my reading. It was a slow night here because of bad weather. Perhaps I'll just ogle book covers and base my decision on that. Hey, it worked last time.


Item I bought
Ibuprofen PM. Helps me to fall asleep at night so I'm not up at all hours making stupid lists in my head. Not entirely unlike this one.


Person I called/texted
Bill. It started out with simple texts and moved on to a phone call when clarification and lengthy explanations were needed. Between his auto-correct mishaps and my finger stuttering our texts sometimes resemble a secret language.


Thing I ate
A bomb-pop and doritos. Not at the same time because yuck! Plus the dorito crumbs might get stuck on my bomb-pop when I licked it and it just sounds very unnecessarily messy. Also, no one wants to waste a perfectly good ice pop. Or doritos.


Thing I googled
The word lustig, which incidentally has nothing to do with lust. It's German for humorous, funny; and I only looked it up because it was used to describe a friend of mine on Facebook and no one knew what it meant.


So, what was the last whatever you did?

The book that smelled like cat

On my last visit to the library I was by myself which means there was more time for me to browse the shelves . I came away with 3 books to read. And some dvds for the guys (and me) to watch.

Anyway, when I came home I put the two paperbacks on my nightstand and the hardcover on the floor next to my nightstand. Then I started to smell cat. Not an actual cat but cat-like products, like food. I sniffed all around my room. I couldn't place it. I checked the one paperback. Nothing. Then I picked up the one hardcover book and sniffed. There it was! The source of the smell. Whoever took this book out last must have had a cat. Or, maybe a cat read the book? They are allegedly very smart creatures.

Of course, all the while, Bill thought I was crazy. I gave him the book, and he reluctantly took a whiff and told me it smells like some kind of perfume. Yeah, cat cologne, Bill!

Just in case anyone was wondering, I have nothing against cats. I have a sensitive nose, though. And to me the scent reminds me of cat. Also, I am not crazy. Not entirely, at least. I have not yet read the the odorous book which I have affectionately dubbed, The Cat Book.

I've never been to Paris but my hair feels like it has. Sort of.

I love getting packages in the mail. I even do a little happy dance, much to my son's eye-rolling and head-shaking dismay. A few weeks ago I received a box of samples of the L'oreal Paris Ultimate Straight haircare, which included shampoo, pre-conditioner, conditioner and balm.

I don't usually put that much effort into my hair and I don't use a lot of product but I thought I would  give this a try. Living out here in the desert can take its toll on my hair, especially in the brutal heat of summer. Between the sun, the dry heat and the chlorine in the pools (Gotta keep cool!) my hair can get dry and icky.

The first thing I noticed when I tried these L'oreal products is that they smell amazing. I'm not talking some Yankee Candle fragrance, just this clean, pleasant aroma. The shampoo lathers really well. I just use a little in the palm of my hand. The conditioner and pre-conditioner come out like bottled silk. Also, they don't leave behind any sticky residue like some conditioners. The balm helps lock in the straightening and works similar to a mousse.

Basically you just shampoo, and rinse, then pre-condition and condition and rinse. Apply the balm to towel dried hair and then use a hair dryer. It's that simple. And I do love simple, uncomplicated things.

After using the L'oreal haircare system my hair is shinier and healthier and makes me want to toss my head and whip my tresses in a Gee-your-hair-smells-terrific kind of way. My hair is already straight but more on the unruly side and that's where the straightening part helps. These products give me that sleek straightness without feeling weighted down and cruddy from too much hair goop.




Disclosure: These products were received complimentary of Influenster for testing purposes. All opinions are my own.

Love that stormy weather

There's been quite a few thunderstorms around here lately. This makes me so happy and also somewhat of an oddity because it seems most people don't like or, fear lightning. I find those people weird but that's me.

Sadly though these storms don't last long and are a bit weak by New Jersey standards. I'm used to lightning that lights up a dark room like a disco globe and thunder that literally shakes the house.  However, the scenery here is better. Watching lightning bolts and flashes with the mountain as a backdrop is beautiful and awe-inspiring. 

Anyway, I don't mind the rain so long as there's thunder and lightning.  I mean, if I'm going to get wet then I want to at least be entertained.

My fictional character role models

At dinner the other day we were discussing the differences between when Bill and I were kids and our kid today. Christopher's eyes nearly popped out of his head when we told him we would play outside all day during the summer because there was no computers.

I remember days spent riding my bike, roller skating and playing ball. The neighborhood kids and I pretended to be secret agents, super heroes, and whatever else our imaginations could dream up.

Later that night I got to thinking about my fictional character role models and I decided to what else... make a list! Because that's what you do when you have trouble falling asleep.

So here is who I wanted to be when I was a little scribe:


A Pink Lady - Grease was my favorite movie when I was a kid and who was cooler than the Pink Ladies?

One of Charlie's Angels - Work for a mystery man, catch the bad guys and look gorgeous while doing so? Hell, yeah!

Lois Lane - I kind of succeeded in this when I was a reporter, although my assignments were sometimes boring and Superman didn't come to my rescue on the few that were borderline dangerous.

Wonder Woman - Mainly just because I wanted to fly an invisible jet.

The Fonz from Happy Days- Yes, he's a guy but I really wanted to bang my fist on the jukebox and have it play music. And to wear a leather jacket. I think this is where my love of leather came into play.

As I got older my role models changed and included more literary types. These days I still admire strong, edgy females like Black Widow from The Avengers (and not just because of her super-cool leather outfit or because she gets to fight alongside cuties like Thor). I also want to be like the ladies from Sex & The City, or Lucky Santangelo from Jackie Collins' book series, or even Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's. The list is long and changes based on my mood, and what I've read, watched, or eaten.

So who did you want to be when you were younger? Who do you want to be now?

He didn't do it to be cool but cool just comes naturally to him

I really like those commercials for the Lincoln MKC with Matthew McConaughey. Whoever came up with the idea to feature him in their car ads should get a raise and free cookies for life. Seriously.

Not only is he so damn handsome but he has an amazing voice. I mean I could listen to him read the phone book. If I knew nothing about this car (and if I hadn't just bought a newer one) I would go out and buy a Lincoln just because of these ads. If that's the marketing company's plan then I say, good one.

I think he makes a great spokesperson for just about anything and not just because he's super-cool. You know how some people are just born salesmen? Well Matthew McConaughey could sell anything with that voice. It mesmerizes.

Imagine a frozen tundra with snow and ice all around. He walks up to the natives and says in that laid-back, cool way, Alright, alright alright. I know you got a lot of snow around but I think you could use some more. And just like that they buy more snow. Because he said so.

Now if the Lincoln Motor Company could fix it so that McConaughey comes with the car, I would convince Bill that we need to buy an MKC.

Not another Vacation movie

Oh Hollywood. Is there so little material out there that we have to re-visit movies that were a hit and still remain a fan favorite today? For example, Vacation. This movie and its sequels were great and made The Griswolds a household name.

And now there is another Vacation movie? I do not agree with this, movie makers. At all. In fact...

Then I did some checking and come to find out this isn't a re-make of the original but a sequel with Rusty attempting to take his family to Wally World just like his father did in the first film.

And now I feel much better. And I might actually go see this movie. Also, I'm keeping the Beldar Conehead meme for those times when something is unacceptable.

Press where for Debit?

Helpful or, insulting?

Just in case you're not clear on what to do here.

I saw this at a local gas station the other day. As I stood there pumping my gas I started thinking, How oblivious or inattentive have we become that we need such blatantly obvious signs pointing to things? I'm far from the smartest person but come on, really?

Unless you've been living in a cave for the last decade or two you should know how certain things work. I have been pumping my own gas out here for over six years now. I get this. You follow the prompts on the screen that is attached to the pump site. Then you slip your credit/debit card into the slot marked as such or you go pay inside. It's not that complicated. If you can't handle these simple instructions, maybe you shouldn't be driving a car?

I could have been a total creep and peeled the sticker off and placed it somewhere else just to mess with people. But, I thought better of it and decided to be nice and leave the Captain Obvious sticker for those clueless debit-paying folks.

The diabetes Jedi and four years of Type 1

Four years ago today life threw one hell of a curve ball our way when my son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. No one in our family expected this. It was like that scene in The Empire Strikes Back when we all found out that Darth Vader was Luke's father and everyone went Whaaaaaaat??

Anyway, in the diabetic community many Type 1's celebrate the day they were diagnosed like they would any other anniversary. It's called a dia-versary. We have never made a really big deal about his disease because I want Chris' life to be as normal as possible. But I thought I would remember this day by dedicating a post to it.

Four years. It's not that long, really. But it feels like more when you consider how much of his life and our life revolves around diabetes. That's 1,460 days of daily insulin injections, testing blood glucose levels, counting carb amounts, and doing math calculations with added injections, bg testing and carbs for those high or low sugars, and possible ketone testing if his sugar is too high. Then there's the constant worry on my end. And the physical, mental, and emotional toll this illness takes on his body.

If I had to use one word to describe diabetes I would say 'exhausting'. It requires constant maintenance. It is never-ending. There is no break, no relief. Everything that my pancreas does naturally without me thinking about it is what Chris has to manually do for himself. I could have pizza and a Sprite while watching a marathon of the original Star Wars trilogy in my bathrobe and not think anything of it. My son can do the same thing, except he would have to pause the movie to test his sugar levels and give himself an insulin injection before he eats. Unless he was low in which case he would eat and drink to bring his levels up and then re-test and dose accordingly because pizza is considered a slow-acting carb which can cause his sugar to spike as the night goes on. Once all that was taken care of he could go back to enjoying the movie. Of course, he could bring his supplies to the couch and do his diabetic maintenance routine without interruption. My point is that unlike me, he can't just eat and watch Han Solo get frozen in carbonite.  He has to be mindful of his body because his pancreas doesn't work.

Yes, this disease can be as burdensome as a non-stop chattering C3PO but some good has come out of it. My son has become more responsible for his age. He knows what needs to be done to maintain his health and he takes it as seriously as a young Padawan training to become a Jedi. I'm proud everyday of his mature attitude.

Also, he takes opportunities to educate people about diabetes. He used to be a bit reluctant to discuss it but now if someone asks him about his pump he doesn't mind talking about it. And during certain school assignments, when it was warranted, he made mention of his disease, which his teachers respected.


Sometimes there are battles. Like when he doesn't want to test again. Or the insulin injection hurt. Or when he's cranky because his sugar level is high. I understand all of these and I accept them because they are the Dark Side of this crappy illness. And because they don't occur every day. For the most part Chris handles his diabetes with dignity and grace. A lots of use of The Force.

My battle scar

We had pizza a few days ago. It wasn't delivery, it was DiGiorno.  Not that it matters or that it's relative to this post.  Anyway, while getting one of the pies out of the oven my arm accidentally touched one of the racks and I got this burn. Incidentally I was wearing oven mitts. Maybe I need to invest in arm-length oven mitts to prevent this from happening in the future. They could be like those long, silky ones that women wore long ago when they went out for the evening. Do such things even exist? I'll have to look into it.

So even though I immediately put some ice on the burn it still got all icky. Billy put some neosporin and gauze on it because he felt bad for me. It really hurt for a while. Then he said I would probably have a scar from it. I said, Cool! Chicks dig scars. Oh wait, I am a chick. Then my son shook his head at me while saying, No Mom, no.

Here's what it looks like now:

Scar from battling a distant relative of Smaug.

It was a lot worse, all burnt up skin and bubbling but I didn't want people getting all blech and possibly puking so I waited to post a picture. I'm always thinking of you guys.

When people see the burn mark and ask me what happened I tell them I was in an epic battle with a dragon and I got this burn. I told Billy this version and he said, Must have been a small dragon. He's so hilarious. My mom on the other hand just rolled her eyes at my explanation. I swear sometimes it's like she just met me.

And this is why I prefer shopping at home

Ah the joys of online shopping. You can do it while wearing pajamas or the stained, crappy clothes you reserve only for laundry day. You don't have to venture into the heat thus peeling yourself out of the car each time you need to go into a store. And lastly, you don't have to deal with weird nonsense like I did this past weekend.

A week ago I bought a pair of summery pants. I was on the fence about them but I paid for them anyway. Then when I got home I had buyer's remorse and decided I did not like them as much as I thought I did. And then Sandra Bullock's voice echoed in my head that line from the Blind Side "If you don't absolutely love it in the store you won't wear it; the store's where you like it best." When I went to return them I found out that their return policy is even exchange or store credit only. No cash back. Well, this sucks. So basically they are holding my money hostage and forcing me to buy products from them. I took the store credit which I will use in the future and then never buy from there again.

Next I had to stop in at Target. On my way from the car to the entrance I was approached by a couple asking for gas money. Their "story" was that they left their house without a wallet and have no money for gas to get home. Weird. For good measure the boyfriend/husband/accomplice added that they drove up to see the OB/GYN. Okay....what? They both left the house without a wallet? He's driving around with no ID or driver's license? And I'm fairly certain there isn't a doctor around who will see you without showing them your insurance card or having any money to pay for the visit. This all sounded a little funky to me. I wanted to say all this but instead I told them I never carry cash on hand.

Now before anyone calls me an unsympathetic beetch let me say that I have in the past given money to pan-handlers. I do support several charities and I can be a sucker for a hard luck case. But these two looked and sounded as suspicious as their story.

My last stop took me to a place where all I wanted was to purchase a gift card/certificate. However, the cashier, who was very sweet and apologetic, told me that they were under new management and that gift certs were suspended until all the old information was gone. Whatever that means. Weird.

All of this plus the simple convenience are why I plan to do more online shopping from the comfort of my home while wearing my yoga pants and Avengers t-shirt and eating ice cream.

Drop the other shoe already

Things are going so well lately that it scares me. It's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. So I started thinking about that phrase "Waiting for the other shoe to drop." Where did it come from?  Was there a time when people sat and dropped one shoe and then waited for the other one to fall?

Imagine walking into a room where two people are sitting. One shoe is on the floor and the other is being held by one person while both are staring at the shoe in hand. You ask, "What are you doing?"

And the answer is "Well, we let one shoe fall and now we're waiting for the other shoe to drop."

So many sarcastic retorts come to mind. Okay, don't let me stop you. Let me know how that turns out. And, Are you high or stupid? Or both? 

I did some checking and according to Wiktionary this phrase means: To wait for the inevitable next step. To await an inevitable event. To wait for something bad to happen.

Seems there's a lot of waiting involved in this saying. But I still didn't see what all this waiting had to do with shoes. I searched some more and found the origin on a couple of sites that put this saying to the late 19th/early 20th century in NYC when apartments were all built the same and you could hear your neighbors through the walls and floors.

The story goes that late one night a drunk man came home and while sitting on his bed he took off one shoe and dropped it on the floor. Realizing how noisy he was being he removed the other shoe and quietly placed it on the floor. Then he crawled into bed to sleep. A few minutes later the man in the apartment below him yelled, "Well, drop the other one! I can't sleep, waiting for you to drop the other shoe."

I imagine that if this saying were born in this day and age there would be some colorful language added. In fact I think the phrase would be entirely different because the neighbor would yell, "You better knock that shit off!" So with that in mind, things are going so well lately that it scares me. It's like I'm waiting to knock that shit off.

The cheap tape vs. me

The task was an easy one. Put these files in those boxes and build more boxes if needed. Simple, right? Yeah...I thought so, too.

Now, I know that sometimes doing certain jobs can confound me but this is not one of them. I've put together many boxes throughout the years both for filing away archives at jobs and for moving. Those quick set up storage boxes from Staples I can practically make in my sleep. And regular moving boxes are a snap with a tape dispenser.

I filled the first few cartons and figured I would need at least one more so after going through the pile I found one that would serve my purpose. I grabbed it and headed to the supply closet. After coming up empty on my search for a tape gun I found the rolls of masking tape in the back. I prefer the clear packing tape but I thought, Okay, I can make this work. 

When I went to pull the tape to get started I noticed that it was all ragged. Someone didn't break it off evenly, or, they were in a big hurry. So I broke off the little pieces and pulled an even strip. Then I built my box, held the lid in place and started pulling the tape from one end to the other. And I watched as the piece got thinner until it was just this narrow, jagged size.

Oh for crying out loud, I thought. I broke the piece off and began to fiddle with the tape again to get a whole sheet going. This time I started applying tape on the opposite end. And the tape grew smaller and smaller again as I pulled.

Big sigh. Ridiculous, I said to myself. This went on several more times. In the end my box looked like something taped together by a three-year old. Oh, and it turns out I didn't need that stupid box after all because all the files fit nicely in the existing boxes.

This happened last week at work. Today I had another encounter with that evil roll of tape, which I have dubbed Cheap Tape. Which made me think of the band Cheap Trick and so I made up my own lyrics to 2 of their songs.

Dream Police (Renamed Cheap Tape)

The cheap tape it lives inside the closet
The cheap tape is one that I wouldn't get
The cheap tape is going to frustrate me, oh no


I Want You To Want Me  (Renamed I Want You To Tape Me)

I want you to tape me
I need you to tape me
I'd love you to tape me
I'm begging you to tape me


When I was done I made sure the tape end was broken off evenly. Then I put the evil roll back in the closet while casting shifty eyes at it. Until next time, cheap tape.

There's more to June than what we know

June. The sixth month of the year. A time to celebrate Dads. It's when school ends and summer begins. But that's not all. I was on a Pop Culture site and came across some facts about the month of June that I wasn't aware of. So, I thought I would share them because I'm thoughtful like that. Also, let it never be said that The Fearless Scribe is not educational. As always, my feature commentary is in blue.

The first weekend in June is National Doughnut Weekend: I did not know this, however, I unintentionally ate some doughnuts anyway. They were not from Dunkin' Donuts. They were delicious. 

Dairy Month: Ice-cold milk to wash down the doughnuts? Ice cream? Yes, please!

Candy Month: I knew I loved this month for more than the fact that days get longer.

Fight The Filthy Fly Month: Not sure why this needs to be recognized, but okay.

Fresh Fruit and Vegetables Month: Despite my love of all things sweet and bad for you I do like to eat fruits and veggies, especially during the summer.

Great Outdoors Month: Spending time by a pool counts, right? I mean, if the pool is located outside it should count.

Iced Tea Month: My favorite non-alcohol beverage of choice.

National Nude Day is on the Summer Solstice, the day with the longest daylight of the year, which is usually June 21st. There is actually a day that celebrates nudity? This is a frightening thought. For the first official day of Summer I plan to wear shorts and a t-shirt just like all the other typical hot days here. 

Letter (of thanks and explanation) to the car insurance rep

Edited to change James' location. This morning while blow drying my hair I realized that I made a mistake. James is from Arizona and I should have remembered that considering we briefly talked about Lake Havasu and Phoenix and his proximity to both. Why it came to me at that moment I have no clue. At least I didn't recall my error while I was on the toilet because how embarrassing would that have been? Although I have gotten some good ideas while seated there. Anyway, the supervisor on call who I spoke with to praise James and his great service (And who's name I sadly don't remember) was from the Midwest. 



Dear James, Otherwise Known As, The Poor, Unfortunate Insurance Sales Rep Who Took My Call When I Was Purchasing A New Vehicle,


Let me start by saying that I am not a raving lunatic. I know I mentioned that during the course of our conversation but I just wanted to reaffirm that and get it out of the way.

Thank you for all of your help, your patience and courteousness. And for putting up with my unusual level of chattiness. When I'm nervous or stressed out I tend to talk a lot and let's face it buying a new car can be a bit stressful. But you handled my endless ranting so well and even humored me as I asked you several many questions.

In addition to my Chatty Cathy persona under duress, I also sometimes slip back into reporter mode and ask a lot of questions. I might say it's an old occupational hazard, but really I'm just deflecting my nervousness. That and I'm just plain nosy.

I hope you made some progress working on your car. It was certainly a nice weekend for it, even though you were in the Midwest somewhere especially with you being next door in Arizona. Your work hours are brutal but after doing them for the past 7 months you must be used to it. I'm a self-confessed night owl and even I think working the 5pm-midnight shift is icky.

Anyway, I appreciate how quickly you were able to get my paperwork together and faxed over to the dealership, despite how distracting our phone conversation was. Also, I'm glad to have brightened your night and made you laugh and probably given you something to gossip around the  water-cooler about. I had this one lady call to switch her policy to a new car and boy! did she talk my ear off. She was funny and just this side of crazy.

Now that I think about it, I could have had a couple of drinks to take the edge off but even here in permissive Las Vegas, it's considered inappropriate to buy a new car while intoxicated. Go figure. Still, the phone conversation would have been far more amusing.The ride home, not so much.

Thanks again!

Sincerely,

Sandy, the Jabber Jaw

Questions that should have answers

Sometimes I get to thinking and I puzzle over things. You see, I'm a curious sort and I have questions, things I wonder about. But no answers. I suppose I could google them but I'm a bit afraid of the results. We all know what happens when you google something you typed incorrectly. I can only imagine what I would find with my questions correctly spelled. Still, I'm curious.

So anyway, here's what keeps me up at night. Or, at least occupied when I'm bored and there's nothing good on TV.

Why is it that I manage to get an itch on my back in the exact place I can't reach and then I end up with my back against the wall doing some sort of silly mambo to get relief?


How is it that some people are so chipper in the mornings? I, on the other hand, wake up like it's the end of the world and wear my sunglasses and a don't-bother-me look as if I had too much vodka the night before.

Why are bugs in the bathroom at the exact time that I have to go, forcing me to hold it while I run screaming for Bill to go take care of them?

Would snoring be considered an acceptable form of defense or assault against a spouse? I'm just asking this for a friend, ya know. 

How is it that whenever I have to go somewhere it seems that everyone else is on the road and it takes me an ungodly hour to get out of my street?

Why does my desk always look like a ransacked stationary store despite my efforts to keep things organized?

Why do people ask me if I'm busy when they can see that I am but they never ask when I'm sitting there with nothing to do?


Does anyone else have questions they want answers to? This is a legit question and not one of those I wonder about.

Feeling the earth move under our feet

Friday we had a small earthquake. So small that many people didn't even know it happened until asked, Did you feel the earthquake? I googled it for confirmation and lo and behold, at 11:47 AM the earth shook in Las Vegas. I thought I felt some rumbling but I chalked it up to hunger. Or a side effect of the previous night's dinner.

Whatever, it's been the talk of the town this weekend. Some people say they felt it. Or they know someone who did. I didn't feel it but my cousin's sister's friend's hair stylist did. Bill was disappointed because he wanted to experience it. I told him that next time he's asleep I'll jump up and down on the bed and that should satisfy his curiosity.

I got to experience an earthquake once when me and my bestie were on vacation in California. I remember we were on the bed watching TV and all of a sudden everything started violently shaking. We were so clueless; we had no idea what was happening. We thought maybe something had hit the building. Then the breaking news came on to announce the quake.

Anyway, you know that scene in the movie Twister, when Bill, Jo and Bill's annoying fiance are in his truck and get side-swiped by two tornadoes, and after the initial fear and panic and tornadoes are gone, Bill and Jo look at each other and laugh and have this mini celebration?

Yeah well, me and my bff were a bit like that except with less hugging but equal excitement. This was many years ago so you can see, I was always a bit weird. Hey, it's not just the little things that make me happy. (Found a dollar in my pocket. Score!) It's the big, scary stuff, too, like living through Mother Nature's wrath. Bill and I love the above part in the movie and swear we would react the same way. And I've always thought there should be a ride modeled after this scene. Universal Studios, I'm lookin' at you.

Friday Funnies

Here are a few jokes I came across while cruising the Interwebz:



A duck walks into a bar with a rabbi on his head.
"What's the deal?" the bartender asks.
The duck says, "It's opposite day."


A guy goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

 --------------------

Some funny bumper stickers:

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

----------------------

And lastly, some words of wisdom from my fave comedian, George Carlin:

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

If you ask me a question, be prepared for an unusual reply

I might have mentioned that there has been a lot of construction and new home building going on in my area. Yay for progress! But sometimes the added traffic really blows. However, that's not what this post is about. I have a curious mind. A little twisted but still quite curious and so with all of this building I want to know if any bodies have been unearthed?

I admit at first it seems like a morbid and odd question. But, if you know me, you know that it's not that odd. Allow me to explain my reason for asking. Back in the day when only the Vegas Strip and downtown areas were inhabited, where I live was nothing but desert. And in those days the Mob ran things and probably traveled out here to dispose of their enemies, never thinking that one day people might be living here. I can't be the only one to think of this.

So with that in mind, a contractor could have dug up a body or two. Maybe a torso or a skull. I haven't heard anything yet and I check the news almost daily. Unless someone did find something and they're keeping it hushed up so as not to alarm potential buyers. I don't know why, though. I would consider it a selling point. But that's just me.

My only concern would be that they remove the body before building on it because no one wants to have a Poltergeist situation on their hands. While it might be cool to turn around and find your kitchen chairs stacked on your kitchen table in pyramid formation or to go sliding down the kitchen floor, I draw the line at monster trees and your kid being held captive in some demon dimension.

My mom and I were discussing all the construction going on. She wants to know if they plan to build any new schools to accommodate all the families with kids moving in. Good question. She asked what I thought and I replied with my question about finding any bodies. Then she gave me a look that was a cross between How can I be sure there wasn't a mix-up in the hospital when you were born and Lord, where did I go wrong?  She's never not sorry that she asks these questions. In my defense, she really should know better by now.

Anyway, I decided that the next time Bill and I go check out some newly built houses (Because we're nosy Josies, not that we're looking to move) and the sales rep asks if we have any questions I'm going to reply, Have your contractors found any bodies? It's a valid question. And I'm sure it's one they haven't been asked before. I anticipate a similar look to the one my mother gave me.

Story time featuring gas and poop

Sunday we went to a local festival/carnival. While walking through the vendor's booths we came upon one with children's books. Of course my eyes immediately went to two books that were standing side by side: The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts and Everyone Poops. There's really nothing to say here. I know I have the mind of a juvenile. I even giggled like a middle schooler. Farts and bathroom humor never get old. At least not in my house.


I wanted to take a picture of them but the woman running the booth looked like a cranky school librarian and I didn't want to risk getting a stern talking-to about proper festival behavior so I just walked away. Instead, I found pics of the books online so I could share my amusement with you.

What I wonder though, is, of all the animals why they chose an elephant for the cover of the fart book? I guess it makes more sense than putting one on the cover of the poop book because we all know that elephants poop a lot and then the title would have to be changed to Everyone Poops But Some Poop More Than Others.

Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud

Sometimes I just blurt things out for shock value or just to be a smart ass. Or because in my own mind I think I'm very comical. Following are a few examples of Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud:

When discussing an odd-shaped sculpture:

Me: It looks phallic.
Other person: Um, we're going to fill it with an orchid.
Me: You should fill it with condoms.
Silence.



When discussing the size of the freezer attached to a large refrigerator at a newly built house:

Husband: Wow, check out how much room is in here.
Me: Yeah, you could totally hide a body in here. Without even having to chop it up first.
The other people looking through the house backed away quietly.




When discussing a new dosage of medication with a nurse at my doctor's office:

Nurse: What seems to be the problem with the medication?
Me: I think the doctor's trying to kill me.
Nurse: Can you hold, please?
Then she transferred me to someone else.


That old saying, Silence is Golden may be wise and truthful. However, it's just not as funny.

My cell phone is an evil little prankster

My cell phone is routinely confused and acts like it's been in the sauce. I'm not kidding. Check it: I have it set up to read the time, date, temperature and weather with the background pic displaying day or evening. Simple, right?

So, why at 3:10 in the afternoon is it showing night time? It's not like I live in some Polar region where night lasts for months. I live in the friggin' desert! Notice that above where it says Las Vegas in the lower right of the square, the sun is showing. Weird.

Liar, it's not really night time.

If I swipe to the second page and then back to this main page a few times it automatically changes from night to day time. Like my phone is trying to say, Ta-da! It's magic!  I suspect my phone is just messing with me like some evil little prankster. Or at the very least this is revenge for all the times I call it Stupid.

Silly phone, you were just pranking me.

I'm not tired, I'm cooling off my brain

I'm yawning but I'm not tired. My brain is hot. No, seriously. When your brain is warm, you yawn. This is so the air you take in orally can go and cool off your brain.

I did not just make this up.

When Bill first told me this after I was yawning one day, I thought he was crazy. I told him so. Then I saw something about this on some such TV show and Whoa! He wasn't kidding. So now every time I yawn I say, "My brain is hot."

I know that yawning is a signal that your brain isn't getting enough oxygen. Sometimes I yawn a lot so I guess my brain is often quite oxygen-deprived, which explains so much.


According to Wikipedia:

There are a number of theories that attempt to explain why animals and people yawn. It is likely that there are a number of triggers for the behavior. However, there are a few theories that attempt to explain the primary evolutionary reason for the yawn....

One study states that yawning occurs when one's blood contains increased amounts of carbon dioxide and therefore becomes in need of the influx of oxygen (or expulsion of carbon dioxide) that a yawn can provide...

 Another notion states that yawning is the body's way of controlling brain temperature....



Now the next time someone accuses you of being tired when you yawn you can simply say, Au Contraire, I'm cooling off my brain. Unless you crawled in at 3:00 am after a wild night out, then you might just really be tired.

Late to the party

I don't watch The Walking Dead. I don't follow Game of Thrones.

There I said it. For those of you who are new here, feel free to leave while looking disdainfully at me. I don't mind. I've mentioned a time or two, or six that I don't do trendy things. This extends to popular TV shows. I know this makes me sound like a snob but really it's more that I'm a bit picky about what TV shows I let myself get sucked into. I can be a hard sell.

And then there are times I'm (very) late to the viewing party. Whatever, at least I get there. Case in point, The Big Bang Theory. I know, it's been on for like 10 years now. What can I say? So I've been catching the reruns here and there and I recently started binge-watching it one season at a time.

I have done the palm-to-the-forehead smack several times for waiting so long to get into this show.

This show amuses me to no end, even though they reference a lot of brainy/techie things that I have no clue about and I end up feeling as lost as Penny. But can I just say, I love Sheldon. The way he speaks fluent sarcasm makes me so happy.

I also love their nerdy Science Fiction references. I could totally sit and hang out and eat Chinese food with them while wearing my new Avengers t-shirt. Until they start talking Quantum Physics and then I go across the hall and hang out with Penny.

Signs to make you laugh

It's a cool, rainy day here today and I have a case of the lazies so I'm just going to post some funny signs I came across on the Internet. Hope you have a good laugh or two.



I think these people mean business. Still, I would stick around to see all of this regardless of the danger.

The "and shit" really drives the point home.

Talk about a liquid lunch. And now we know why the Sales Department didn't come back to the office.

Would you like that in a cup or a bowl?

This sign made me laugh a little too hard. The only thing funnier would be to see that one person make a beeline off-course to find a bush.

Talk about motivation.

My birthday party fictional character guest list

It's my birthday and I was thinking about the birthday parties I had when I was much younger. And then I started to think about who I would invite if I had a party now. So I compiled a list of fictional characters I would invite to my birthday party. It's a whimsical mix of different personalities and different backgrounds. But all are from TV shows/movies and books that I love(d). Each would lend their own unique brand of something to make this party one for the ages.

I told Bill about this and he asked if he was on the guest list. I explained that he's not a fictional character and also he didn't need to be on the list because he should be there by default. Then he looked at me with that smirk that says You are so full of shit. Am not.

So here's my Birthday Party Fictional Character Guest List:


Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls - What's not to love about her? She's fun and funny and it would be like having your very best girlfriend there.

Raylan Givens from Justified - He's a badass with a cool hat. And could also help out when the inevitable fight breaks out.

Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory - He's sarcastic and amusing. I would initiate a game of musical chairs just to watch him freak out.

Ichabod Crane from Sleepy Hollow - He would be fun to teach current party activities to and to learn past party rituals from. 


Gomez Addams from The Addams Family - He's creepy but entertaining in a menacing and loveable way.

Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany's -She's the coolest party girl. And then after partying all night we could all go have a pastry in front of the Tiffany's windows.

Minions from Despicable Me 1 & 2 - This is an obvious choice.

Worf from Star Trek The Next Generation & Deep Space 9 - Well, what party wouldn't be complete without an alien? Besides Klingons are my fave ST villains.

Lois Lane from Superman -I would invite her to maybe talk shop since I was once a reporter and also hopefully the Man of Steel might make an appearance, too.

Bumblebee from Transformers - He could be the designated driver and DJ. It's a 2-for-1 with the coolest car ever.

Stephanie Plum from Janet Evanovich's Plum book series - She's from New Jersey. That's all the explanation needed. And if you've read the series, you know that something is bound to get blown up at the party.

Snoopy and the Peanuts Gang -Yes, because every party needs comic strip characters.

Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem from The Muppet Show - I love Animal and I would let them sing Happy Birthday to me.

Lestat from The Vampire Chronicles - I would have to make sure there was some blood on tap for him. Who knows, he might hit it off with Gomez. Then again, probably not. One thing's for certain, he'd be the most well-dressed person in attendance.

There's so many others to add to this list and if I put them all down this post would be enormous, so I'll stop here. These are just the ones that immediately came to mind. If I break it down my list is comprised of:

4 women
4 men
1 alien
1 vampire
1 Transformer
Animated characters
Comic strip characters
Muppets

Now that's a party.

A weird post about pills, teeth and odd sentimentalities

I was cutting a pill in half on my nightstand one evening and one half stayed on the table and the other flew into my open drawer.

And why was the drawer open?

Because that's where I keep the knife.

And why do I keep a knife in my night table drawer?

Well, first of all, it's only a butter knife. I just thought I would clarify that before anyone thought otherwise and started watching the evening news for reports about a homicidal blogger. And no, I don't get cravings for buttered toast in the middle of the night. But I needed it for a similar reason when I was going off some meds a while back and had to start taking half doses. I just never returned it to the kitchen cutlery drawer. I'm lazy like that. And also forgetful, which explains that Payless coupon I came across from 2007. Besides one never knows when one might need a knife. They come in quite handy when you need a screwdriver but don't have one around.

So anyway, while searching for that half piece among all my jewelry, assorted papers, and other knick-knacks (hello Batman action figure), I found several loose teeth. I know, disturbing. Each time I saw a small piece of white I fished it out only to find it was a tooth.

At first there was disappointment. Where the hell is that damn pill half? Then, confusion. Why are there loose teeth in here?

Weird. This whole post is weird.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the teeth belonged to Chris and fell out of a tissue they were in.

Why are his teeth in a tissue in my drawer?

Because I keep all the baby teeth he's lost. I'm oddly sentimental like that. Maybe I'm just plain odd. The husband says that's not only an obvious statement but an understatement.

In case you're wondering, I did finally find that stupid pill half. I now cut my pills with the drawer closed. The knife still remains in the drawer. The teeth are all in an enclosed zip-lock baggie. I cannot promise that this will be the last weird post.

When the movie is better than the book

Movies based on books is so hit or miss. Sometimes an author's work makes it to the big screen and is a wild success. Other times our beloved books are huge disappointments in theaters.

But what about the opposite? What about when the movie is better than the book? It happens. I might be in the minority when it comes to this but I have had it happen. I'll give you an example, but remember these are just my opinions so don't shoot the messenger, 'kay? Also, for those who have never seen these movies or read these books there are spoilers below so look away!

                                                                            VS.

I like the movie, Under The Tuscan Sun.  You know the one where Diane Lane's character goes through a bitter divorce and she takes a trip to Tuscany and impulsively buys a villa? She also cooks up these fantastically delicious looking meals that make me wish for my own personal Italian chef.

Anyway, as I was saying, I really enjoyed this movie so I was happy to find the book in my local library. It was a major bummer and I returned it after only making it halfway through the book. It was Nothing like the movie. In the book, Frances is happily married with kids and she and her husband buy the Italian villa together and spend time remodeling it. For those with wanderlust and a love of all things Italy this book is for you. I'm sorry to say I just wanted to revisit the characters and romance from the movie.

I do wonder - if I had read the book first and then seen the movie, would I have been equally as disappointed? Or pleasantly surprised? Or planning a trip to Italy? Olive Garden?


I just finished reading another book after having seen the movie first (and absolutely loving it!). This time I actually finished the entire book which means I wasn't completely discouraged when it ended up being different from the movie.

The book/movie I'm referring to is That Night written by Alice McDermott. The movie starred Juliette Lewis (Audrey in Christmas Vacation) and C. Thomas Howell (Ponyboy in The Outsiders).

The book itself was well-written and I might have enjoyed it more if I had read it first. But once again, I wanted to spend time with the characters from the movie. In this instance the movie kept true to some of the book but not enough for me. I guess Hollywood took some liberties. Not that I'm complaining.

By contrast, I've been reading the James Bond novels. I have seen all the movies, numerous times and I can honestly say the books are just as entertaining. Sure the movies are a feast for the eyes what with all the scenery and non-stop action but the books are exciting in their own right.

In the end, I guess sometimes an author's work is adapted and Hollywood hits it out of the park further than they initially intended. And sometimes you have a quirky fan like me.