Stop pretending to write

The other night Billy and I were watching TV. A commercial for the new movie, "Hunger Games" came on. (I had never read the books but knew enough that the movie is based on them.) So I was all wow, another author writes a book (series) and not only gets published but has a movie made about them. I just want to get published and settle for mediocre fame.

So Billy looks at me and says, "Maybe when you stop pretending to write you'll actually get published."

I'm taken aback, not in anger but more in a hmmm, go on way. "Explain," I reply and now he has my undivided attention.

And he says: "You write all these things, these articles and other stories that are good, but when you write like you do on your blog, that's great."

Okay. Wait a sec, he thinks my blog posts are great? Cool. Very cool.

"But the articles I write, some need just facts and they don't want the author's PoV," I said.

"All I know is that those posts are interesting. They come from inside your head, they're real," he further explained.

Then he left the room to do whatever man-business he needed to do and I sat there. Thinking.

Who was it that said, "When you write, be real." I think it was Stephen King. It could have been Mark Twain. Shakespeare?
Anyway, Bill doesn't sugar-coat things. He's a great 'first-reader' like that. If it's good, he says so and if it isn't he'll say that, too. And 9 times out of 10 his advice is sound. And who would've thought he'd give the same sage advice as some of the great authors? Especially considering he doesn't like to read? Except when he's pretending to.

Cough cough, sniffle

I was all set to go volunteer at my local JDRF chapter this past Wednesday but then I got sick with a cold. I thought it best not to infect others so I stayed home.

Now I'm feeling much better except I still have the sniffles and an occasional cough. And I might be losing my voice because sometimes when I talk I sound like Froggy from The Little Rascals.

Thankfully the girl who was doing my nails today wore a surgical mask for most of my appointment. She heard me sniffle and croak when I spoke and asked me if I was sick. And so I told her it was only allergies, which prompted a 10-minute conversation about that. Yes, I lied to the poor girl. Don't judge! At least she had that protective mask covering her face while I was breathing in all those nail grinding and acrylic fumes. It kind of evens things out.

I hate when colds linger on and you end up sounding way worse than you really are and people avoid you like you have the plague. Actually that might be a good thing because now no one will bother me. Cough, cough.

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a God!

Doctors. We tend to treat them like gods. We don't always question their diagnoses. We don't challenge them or ask questions. It's like, they're doctors so they should know better. Right? Wrong.

Sure they have lots of higher education and tend to be smart but they're people, just like you and me. They put their pants on one leg at a time. Unless, they're women and wear skirts. Or men who wear skirts, in which case I don't want to know.

I know some people who take a doctor's word as gospel. These same people who would reign down holy terror if the cable guy showed up late, don't even make a peep if the doctor doesn't return a phone call within a decent time frame. They even make excuses. He said he would call me back this afternoon, he must've been busy. And then they continue to wait for the phone to ring. Perhaps when they are carrying their head under their arm they'll consider actually calling the doctor themselves and demanding to speak with him/her.

Recently Bill was talking to a female he works with. She mentioned that she had been feeling shaky all day. He asked her what was wrong. She told him she was just diagnosed as a type 1 diabetic. He said her blood-sugar levels must be very low and got her some soda and a granola bar, which immediately made her feel better.

As they talked Bill asked her what her blood-sugar levels were when she was diagnosed. She said she didn't know, because her doctor didn't tell her.  What the funk?? Bill told her she should find out because it was her right to know. He gave her some tips and advice and other information (which she had not fully received) and lastly he gave her the name and number of our primary doctor. Because clearly her current one hasn't got clue #1 when it comes to patient care or diabetes.

So what is it about doctors that turns normally strong-willed, loud-of-voice, take-charge people into meek, little kids? It's mind-boggling.

You should never fear your doctor. You should always ask questions, seek second opinions and never take anything for granted. It's your health! I'm not saying be a disrespectful assmunch to them. Just don't sit back and put your health on cruise-control. Doctors aren't perfect. Even Bones was wise enough to know his limitations.

Bones: "I'm just a country doctor."

To lighten up an otherwise serious post (not to mention, show off my geekness) here's a brief video montage of  Dr.  McCoy speaking his famous line: "I'm a doctor, not a..."

Frankly my dear...I love this movie

The other night I watched Gone With The Wind for possibly the hundredth time. It's one of those movies that when you come across it on TV you have to watch, regardless of how many times you've seen it before. Like, The Godfather.

What's not to love about this classic movie? It's romantic, a bit historical and has two fabulous stars in leading roles. I came up with my own list of reasons why I love this movie and why if it came on right now, I'd watch it. Again.

5. The book.
I've read the book and seen the movie. The movie stayed pretty true to the book and I enjoy(ed) both. I think most good movies come from books. Although most movies don't live up to their book versions, GWTW did and still does.

4.  The Time Period.
I love the pre-Civil War or antebellum period. The Southern plantations, the dresses worn by the Southern belles, the scenery, was all gorgeous. Maybe I'm romanticizing it but that era was itself, romantic. Who wouldn't want to live in Tara?


3.  Mammy.
Long before Nell Carter on Gimme A Break, there was Hattie McDaniel as Mammy. Who wouldn't want her as a caretaker? She was sensible, feisty and kept you in line. Scarlett may not have always been good to  her but I'd like to think that in her own way, she adored her Mammy.

2. Rhett Butler.
Do I really have to say anything else? Sure he was a rogue and a scoundrel but he was dashing, debonair, handsome and one of the original bad boys. Who can blame Scarlett for falling for him? Even though she realized too late...

1. Scarlett O'Hara.
She was selfish. She was mean. She was conniving, manipulative and broke almost all of the 10 Commandments. So why do I love her? She was a strong woman in a time when women were more damsels in distress. Sometimes her ends may not have justified the means but she did what needed to be done. She also didn't give a damn who liked her or what they thought of her. Some girls/women today could learn a lesson or two from her.

Bad blogger, bad!

I've been a bad blogger lately. I apologize for that, especially those who come here faithfully and find nothing new to read. What can I say? I suck!!!!!

Seriously, I've been battling mild depression and my anxiety has flared up resulting in insomnia and fits of itchiness. Yeah, real pleasant. So with all that, I haven't felt much like writing or talking (weird, I know!) and my blog and articles have suffered.

But I think the fog is finally starting to lift. I'll spare everyone and refrain from singing "I Can See Clearly Now". However, if you really want to hear my rendition, just lock two cats in a shower stall with some catnip and a piece of string. Ahhh, the sweet, melodic sounds of kitties fighting.

From here on out I shall try to be more vigilant in my blogging, even if I just post jokes, or funny pictures or pictures of funny jokes or funny jokes with pictures.

Thanks for understanding.

An open letter to Smith's Grocery Store

Dear Smith's,

I <3 you. Seriously. I want to marry you and have mini marts with you. Okay maybe that last part was a bit too much but it's a testament to how much I like shopping at your store.

Unlike those 'big box' impersonal chains, you are smaller and easier to move around. And even though you don't always carry certain products or some of your items are a bit pricier, I remain faithful to you.

Shopping in your store also makes my whole trip more pleasant. I don't have to fight my way through the aisles among wandering people in mis-matched clothing who stand smack dab in the middle trying to decide between two different brands of denture cream. Pushy shoppers don't hit me in the back of the leg with their shopping carts either.

Most importantly, I don't leave all frazzled and wanting to stuff someone inside the ice cream freezer. So in a way you also provide an important health and safety service for mankind.

I love that I don't have to wait on an endless line while some woman at the register argues about price or fishes loose change from the bottom of her pocketbook. Your store isn't afraid to open a new register to accommodate me.

For all of these reasons, I don't mind grocery shopping, which I usually hate more than de-linting my socks.

Sincerely,
A happy shopper

Funny Signs

This is hilarious. Graffiti on Signs

They have Phil, we have Max

 It's Groundhog Day and while the nation looks to Pennsylvania and Punxatawny Phil to see whether there will be 6 more weeks of winter or an early Spring, we in Las Vegas check in with Mojave Max, the tortoise. Not that it matters either way to us. Our winters are usually mild and end quickly.

That's where Max comes in. Students in Vegas try to guess when Max will come out of hibernation so Spring can begin. So far, Max is still asleep. Lucky tortoise. He gets to sleep and no one rudely wakes him up.

Anyway, my guess is he'll wake up and stumble out of bed sometime in mid-March. Night night Max. See you in a few weeks.