Thursday, February 19, 2015

I know this guy, or at least I thought I did

For Valentine's Day the husband got me brakes for my car. Not the most romantic thing but practical and necessary. It's better than a Jelly of the Month club subscription because it says "I love you and I want you to be safe". And not accidentally kill anyone on the road. In case people are wondering, yes I did receive other little gifts for that day but the brake job was the biggie.

My vehicle has started to show its age. It's still reliable and damn good on gas but it needs work. For example, the a/c is shot. Thankfully it waited until the end of last summer before crapping out. Living out here in the desert where the temperature reaches 110 degrees in the summer months, air conditioning is mandatory. And costly to repair.

The other day Bill told me he mentioned this to a co-worker. The co-worker said he knew a guy who might be able to do the job and not charge us an arm and a leg.

Now, you know how we speak in movie quotes? Usually one of us will do a bit and the other person catches on and we recreate the entire scene. Bill started and let's just say I dropped the ball. On the wrong guy. Here's how the conversation played out:

Bill: We might be able to get the car fixed at a reasonable price because B told me he knows a guy.

Me: (At this point I'm just looking at him, waiting for more info.)

Bill: His name is Danny.

Now, he's looking at me expecting the obvious reply. And my inner dialogue is going Uh oh! He's expecting a reply. I'm supposed to say something. What am I supposed to say?!  And so I quote from a SpongeBob episode.

I knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin.

And he looks at me all disappointed and says, "No, from Ocean's Eleven. Danny Ocean? I know a guy?"

Smack to the forehead. Of course!! I hate when I screw up a perfectly good pop culture reference. 

In case you're curious:
*The SpongeBob episode is where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward go camping outside in front of their homes and encounter killer sea bears.

*The Ocean's Eleven scene is near the end of the movie when George Clooney's character, Danny Ocean, is confronted by Andy Garcia's character, Terry Benedict, about a robbery in Benedict's casino. Also, I'm talking about the remake of the original movie which featured the Rat Pack.

*It's scary and ridiculous how easily I can recall these things but have no idea where I put the pen I was using 5 minutes ago.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Not so happily ever after

So I think I'm the only woman who could give a hoot about that 50 Shades movie coming out this weekend. I didn't read the books and I have no interest in doing so. Not that the subject matter bothers me, I just don't do what's trendy. But that's me and I'm weird like that.  Now, I may not have read the book but I know it's about a couple and if you're like me you always root for the two leads to ride off happily into the sunset or, at least go off to get ice cream together.

Then I got to thinking, what about stories where the couple didn't end up happily ever after? It happens. Pisses me off but still, it happens.

Valentine's Day is all about love and romance and sadly some of the best known love stories, like the ones below, did not end on a warm and fuzzy note.

Rhett and Scarlett from Gone With the Wind: Every time she watches him walk out the front door I want to slap her silly for not running after him. Actually I want to smack her for choosing Ashley over Rhett to begin with. Girl, what were you thinkin'?

Romeo & Juliet: Two families who can't get along forcing their kids who love one another to commit suicide. Way to go people.

Heathcliff and Cathy from Wuthering Heights: Pride. Vanity. Greed. Jealousy. And love. All the ingredients for a seriously tragic love story.

Jack and Rose from Titanic: I'm one of those people who think that Rose could have moved over and made room for Jack.

Anakin and Padme from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: I'm not as big a fan of the prequels as I am of the original trilogy. That being said, the entire ending annoyed me and made me want to bop George Lucas on the head.

There are so many others, in fact, there are tons of ill-fated love stories in both movies and literature. It's rather depressing. I think I'm going to counter it with some chocolate chip cookies and watching a romantic comedy like 13 Going On 30. This way I can be mushy and laugh at the same time. Plus it has a great 80s soundtrack.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

My fictional Valentine's Day gift ideas

Valentine's Day is coming up. Now, I don't go for the traditional gifts that women have come to expect, like hearts and flowers. Except for candy. My fearless husband knows I like my chocolates. However, I got to thinking about some fictional gift ideas I would like to receive. I've been on a Marvel kick lately so that explains some of the items on my list. The others are just because I like the weird and unusual.

Thor's hammer - I thought it would seem inappropriate to ask for the God of Thunder himself so I'll settle for this instead. You know, Mjolnir, the big, metal object he wields? I'm clarifying for those with X-rated minds. But seriously, how cool would this be to? Difficult nails would be a thing of the past. So would difficult people, for that matter.


Jarvis - You can have Siri or Cortana. I want my very own intelligent computer system. Jarvis, bake me some cookies! Jarvis, help my son with his math homework. It practically pays for itself.


In keeping with the spirit of the holiday I wouldn't mind some jewelry. But not the Valentine's-y diamonds and pearls. I want Lily Munster's bat necklace. It's certainly unique. Do you think Hermann went to Jared?


I've mentioned my like of handbags before so it should come as no surprise that Carrie's self-designed handbag on The Carrie Diaries is on my list. But, with my name instead of hers because that would be just awkward to walk around with someone else's name on your purse.  And every time someone would ask if my name was Carrie I would be forced to answer with something like, No, I just use her bag.

The necklace and pocketbook seem the easiest to get. And knowing Bill the way I do, he would probably take our son's fake hammer from when he was Thor last Halloween and present it to me for Valentine's Day. It being the thought that counts and all.

What's on your fictional list?