Monday, December 31, 2012

Felice Anno Nuovo

This post will be similar to my Merry Christmas in other languages post except I'll be mentioning how to say Happy New Year in other dialects.

Cymraeg (Welsh) say Blwyddyn Newydd Dda. Vowels need not apply.

Estonians say Head uut aastat! Where exactly they're heading out to in the New Year, only they know.

Laotians say Sabai dee pee mai. Many mai tais make you pee.

Philippines say Manigong Bagong Taon. Bang a gong.

Happy New Year everyone! Or as the Dutch would say GELUKKIG NIEUWJAAR!

 *Note: Many thanks to for providing the languages.
**My views are my own and meant to entertain. Apologies to anyone I may have offended.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Me and the rest of the wackos

As if I didn't get enough of all the shopping and crowds of people before Christmas, I was out today trying to cash in on the after-holiday sales. Me and the rest of the post-seasonal wackos.

The stores were busy and you could tell the spirit of the season had vanished like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Well wishes and happy holiday smiles were replaced with shouting and cursing. And that's just the employees.

Many shoppers were picking through Christmas merchandise like pirates looting for treasure. You might wonder why I was there in the thick of all that madness. Was I off my medication? Did I drink some spiked egg nog? Was I following through on a dare to see if I could stand being around throngs of people in a sea of seasonal sales insanity? No. No. And no.

The answer is simple. I like a good bargain and I always hit up the stores for supplies like wrapping paper and gift tags for next Christmas. Thriftiness outweighs the good sense to steer clear of stores after the holidays. Besides, I can exercise patience when I have to. I consider it a random act of kindness when I don't lose my shit on some idiot blocking the aisle I need to go down while they try to decide which leftover, cheesy, glitter-covered snowman ornament to buy.

Thank the heavens I had nothing to return because I'd sooner keep whatever crap was given to me that I didn't want/need/like than wait on that monstrous line.

Yes, I took part in these.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Not everyone celebrates Christmas but most of them have probably paid their cell phone bills already

Oh, you're Jewish? I'm sorry

I was talking to a fellow volunteer last week and I asked her if she was ready for Christmas. Then she said, No, I still have to get a few Hannukah gifts. And I was like I'm sorry. And then I had to clarify exactly why I was sorry. So I quickly explained that I wasn't sorry she was Jewish but I was sorry that I assumed she celebrated Christmas. Oy.


Hello this is the United States calling

I haven't paid my cell phone bill yet because I figured if the world is ending, why bother. I'd like to call Japan and Sri Lanka and run up the bill, too. But I don't know anyone in either place so that ends that. Plus, if the world really doesn't end I'll have a huge phone bill and Bill will be like, Why did you call Japan and Sri Lanka? And I really don't want to answer for my phone calls. Somehow I think, because I felt like it wouldn't go over very well.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Making merry around the world

Just for the hell of it I decided to look up how to say Merry Christmas in other languages. I was bored and curious, which is a dangerous combination to say the least but sometimes yields interesting results.

Case in point: Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo! That's Merry Christmas in Eskimo, although it sounds more like something I would yell at other drivers during traffic. Jutdlime to you and oh yeah! your directional is still on butthead!

In Japanese, Merry Christmas sounds very authoritative. Kurisumasu Omedeto! I picture someone in a kimono with a sharp knife and in that case I promise to have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas ever. Domo Arigato.

The Jiberish say Mithag Crithagsigathmithags. I think this is just plain cruel for those with lisps. Also, who would've though Jiberish was an actual language? These be my peeps!

Mele Kalikimaka is Hawaii's way to say Merry Christmas to you. And now I have that song in my head. And a a desire to watch 'Christmas Vacation'.

The Galician's say Bo Nada, which makes me think that Bo was on the naughty list this year and got nothing. Not even coal.

Seriously, however you choose to say it and celebrate it, may your Christmas be free of threatening knives, tongue twisters and may you get more than Bo.

*Note: Many thanks to for providing the languages.
**My views are my own and meant to entertain. Apologies to anyone I may have offended.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Thanks a lot, Mayans

This year, for the first time ever I am on top of all things Christmas.

Cards. Almost done and being sent out this weekend.
Shopping. Almost done.
Wrapping. Begun.

This is a big deal for me because I'm usually out with all the other nuts buying things at the last minute (we're talking Christmas eve day) like a mad woman. And every year I swear that next Christmas I will be better prepared. Kinda like being hung over and pukey the day after a lot of drinking and swearing that you'll never ever drink again.

This year is different. I am fully prepared. I'm talking lists. And notes. I'm so organized it's frightening. Even Bill is a little wary. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe he prefers me to be a stark-raving holiday lunatic.

However, and it figures, that the one year I am so ready for Christmas, the world is coming to an end four days before. So. Not. Fair. Thanks a lot, Mayans!

Monday, December 3, 2012

The Neighbors

Across the street lives a couple and the husband's father, Karl. They're from back East like us so anytime we all get to chatting it's like a hometown gathering. I love Karl. He's an old coot who swears and gets crotchety. I love him! And thankfully he likes us.

Sometimes when I look out the window I ask aloud (to no one in particular) Karl, where are you? It's a nice day out. When I do see him outside I'll announce (again, to no one in particular) Karl's outside. If days, or more than a week go by and I don't see him around I start to wonder what's happened. Is he okay? Should I go over, ring the doorbell and make sure all is well? And then a day or so later he'll be out pulling weeds, or sweeping and I think Oh, there he is!

When I lived at home back in NJ, we had some strange neighbors. The husband was always at home and the wife was always busy working. We could see her coming and going, briefcase in hand.

Then one day we didn't see her anymore. I was convinced the husband killed her and buried her in the backyard. I tried to look for a freshly dug grave from my bedroom window but I couldn't see the entire yard. And then, just as suddenly, she re-appeared and we would see her coming and going again.

I wonder if our neighbors keep tabs on what goes on with us. Or maybe I just have too much time on my hands. And an over-active imagination.