Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Hopefully.

I have a sense of humor. I love to joke around and play pranks. I love to laugh. Slapstick comedy is one of my favorites. If the Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, Laurel & Hardy or Abbott & Costello are on, I will definitely be rolling on the floor laughing hysterically with tears down my face. A snarky comment, good joke, silly cartoon. Yep, I love 'em!

I've always said we need more laughter in the world and less judging and anger. I think society has forgotten how to laugh at itself. People are so easily offended. Let's just lighten up a bit.

Kids know how to do it. They laugh at the silliest things: Peek-a-boo, blowing raspberries, funny faces. We could all take a cue from them.

My mom is known for her falls and stumbles. Some of the stories surrounding them are legendary and never get old. Of course, at the time we feel bad that she slipped and fell and hope she's alright and not injured. Unless you're me and practically bust a gut to keep from laughing out loud, while snickering under your breath until you can't take it anymore and break out into full-blown hysterics. Sorry, Mom. In my defense, I saw the ice patch and tried to warn you.

This past weekend I watched some Three Stooges with Little Man. And he loved them! He howled with laughter which made me so proud. (pounds chest saying My Boy!)

Naturally bathroom humor and fart jokes rate highly around here. Little Man and Bill are on the same wavelength where that's concerned. *shakes head* 

In any case, I think a little laughter goes a long way so long as no one is seriously hurt.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Allergies, you suck

Years ago I went to an allergist in NJ to find out what made me sneeze, cough and generally miserable. A scratch test revealed I was allergic to a crapload of stuff. Figures. The list included: ragweed, cats, tree pollen, dust mites, dander and couple of other things I forgot but those are the main ones.

Then, for the longest time when I visited Las Vegas I was miraculously cured. Seems the dry heat and non-humidity did wonders for my allergies. I could breathe! Of course, I would inevitably return to NJ and *cough* *sneeze* ick.

When we moved to Vegas I thought I was home-free and better breathing was mine. In fact, I told people that this was a main selling point for me. I can breathe better in the desert. And it was so.

For the first year.

But it was not meant to be. Those dang allergies followed me out here to the West Coast. Any time it was windy, or even a day before the winds came I would start sneezing.

Nooooooo! It can't be, I cried. Okay, I didn't actually cry. But there was some sniffling. Maybe due to the allergies. Anyway, I saw a doctor and she said that my allergy-free time was referred to as the "Honeymoon Period". After all, I do live in the desert, so it stands to reason that I develop an allergy to the dust around here.

So I basically traded in one set of allergies for new ones.

My go-to drug of choice is Claritin 24 hour relief. But sometimes it makes me sleepy. Yes, even the non-drowsy one. My body's weird like that. But at least it stops all the icky symptoms. Oh yeah, new home, new allergies, and new symptoms. My eyes now water and my ears itch. I'm a mess.

My new doctor (whom I love!) is sending me to an allergist to be tested for whatever new allergies I've most likely developed. I see this guy in 2 days. I can only imagine.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Singed hair or How do these things keep happening to me?

I love scented candles. They smell nice, yummy and floral. They add ambiance to a room. And sometimes I just like to stare into the flame.

I have a collection of candle holders in different shapes, sizes and colors. And I confess that I stop and smell the candles at the store. Sweet Pea smells awesome. And Christmas Cookie at the holidays smells good enough to eat.

Now, I know the dangers of fire and how to use a candle a safely. Still, that didn't stop me from singeing some of my hair the other day.

How? you might ask. It was one of those simple yet stupid things that can only happen to me. At least this is what Bill tells me.

I had my little candle in a jar all lit and smelling pretty on my bedside table. I was on my computer (as always) doing (important) stuff. I needed something: a flyer, notice, invite whatever to update my calendar. So I reached down  on the floor to where the document lay (it was there temporarily just so you don't think I throw stuff on my floor and live like a hoarder).

But then I couldn't get enough oomph to get myself back on the bed properly so I leaned back a bit to grab for my headboard and that's when it happened. The sizzling sound. That smell. I had singed some of my hair. Luckily it was just a tiny few strands.

When I told Bill he gave me that "it figures" look and said I was lucky all my hair didn't catch fire. He's right because that could've been really inconvenient. Then he said it smelled like burnt hair and grabbed some Febreeze to spray the room.

The lessons here are:

  1. Don't leave important papers on the floor. Leave them on your table. But not near the flame.
  2. When leaning out of bed to get something always remember where your candle is.
  3. Don't look to your husband for sympathy when doing stupid things that seem otherwise simple when you first consider them.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I'm not a juggler. I don't play one on TV and no, I didn't sleep at a Holiday Inn last night.

But I often feel like I'm trying to keep all my balls up in the air and not doing a very good job of it. One or two always seem to fall on the floor. It's like that Michelle Pfeiffer/George Clooney movie, "One Fine Day" where her character is trying to explain how she tries to juggle all the things in her life. See clip here. The part I'm referring to starts at the 8:15 mark.

It's hard to do it all. And I envy the women who do. And I hate the ones who do it all while smiling and looking fabulous. How?!?! If my writing is going well and I'm super-mommy and JDRF volunteer/advocate then my house is a mess. If my house is in order, Little Man is happy, his homework done and I've done my volunteering, then my writing suffers. Grrr!

You can see from my sporadic blog posts when I'm busy in other areas of life. Maybe I need better time-management. Maybe I should stop trying to be such a control freak about it all. Maybe I need a vacation to a Caribbean island with blue water, white sand, a massage, fresh fruit and drinks. Maybe I should stop day-dreaming and finish this blog post so I can be ready for when Little Man comes home from school. Then we can do homework and I can start supper, clear the table, do the dishes, go to the park, pack his lunch, watch a video, sort some laundry for tomorrow, etc. etc.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Perfect Attendance

Little Man hasn't missed a day of school since he started Kindergarten 4 years ago. We're talking present and accounted for Every. Day.

Even on days when he has a doctor's appointment with his Endocrinologist (I refer to as the diabetes doctor) he still shows up and then goes to his appointment. The last time, he went to school, left to see the doc and then came back.

He goes willingly. Even with a little cold. Nope, can't stay home. Must maintain perfect record. He's proud of this achievement and has almost a dozen certificates and ribbons for that distinction. His school has awards assemblies each trimester where they acknowledge A/B Honor Roll, Good Citizenship and Perfect Attendance.

Sadly he came down with a cold and fever and was forced to miss 2 days last week. He was bummed out about it. I know, it's unnatural. What kid wouldn't want to miss school? Most kids would even hold the thermometer near a hot bulb or under hot water to con their mothers into thinking they had a fever. No judging. I'm sure many have done something in order to play hooky.

In our case, the Little Man actually likes his school. I do, too. Heck I wouldn't want to give in to a cold and stay home either if my school had been like his. The teachers are young and hip. There's more patience and less yelling. And no one gets a pencil thrown at them for talking out of turn. (true story).

After his 2 day sick leave he returned to school feeling bad about breaking his attendance streak. But then the teacher told him she missed him and his friends were all glad to see him and soon enough he was happy, smiling and running around again. It was business as usual on the playground.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Verizon almost got me killed

I tried to pay my Verizon Wireless bill last night but when I went to log in I somehow had the incorrect password and eventually it locked me out of the account. There was much cursing.

In order to access the account I now had to enter the last 4 SSN digits of the primary account holder (husband). I did this and then it prompted me for a Verifiable Bill Security Password. What in the heyall? I guessed. I was wrong. I tried again. Still wrong. I cursed again.

It then said if I had any problems to contact customer service. More cursing on my end. So, I reluctantly dialed their 800 number. After choosing the directory I needed it asked me for the account password. Huh? If I knew that I wouldn't be calling now, would I? I pressed 0 hoping to get to an operator. "Option invalid." I said "representative." It continued to cycle through my options, none of which pertained to me.

I started shouting into my phone "Representative! A human! Someone who can help me!" As if sensing my frustration and how close I was to flushing my phone down the toilet the automated system told me to press 0 if I wanted to speak to a Customer Care Associate. Finally!!

Paul came on the line and after his introductory spiel asked me how he could help. I explained the problem. He said since I was only an Account Manager and not the Primary Account Holder he couldn't tell me the password on file. Christ on a bike! I'm the effing wife! I pay this damn bill! I told Paul I knew my husband's mother's maiden name, the name of his first dog, his height, weight and blood type. Help me out for the love of all that's holy! He laughed and said if I knew the last 4 digits of his SSN, that would work. Oy! Didn't I already do this? Okay, fine, so I give him the numbers.

Paul unlocked the account and texted a temporary password to Bill's phone which I entered. Then Paul had to do a few more things in order for me to go online and change the password again to something I would remember.

While Paul did his thing I joked around with him. "Ya know my husband is going to kill me for changing the password. The headlines will scream "Verizon blamed in death of wife". There'll be a media firestorm. People will be outraged, customers will switch service providers and stocks will plummet. All because of Verizon's security protocol."

Paul was hysterical. "See, you should be glad I called. It was a break in the monotony of your shift." I said. He agreed.

When we finally concluded our business he asked the usual .."anything else I can help you with?"

"No, but thank you for your help, patience and courtesy. In spite of the fact that I am late in paying my bill."

Then I paid my bill online and wrote a nice complimentary email to Verizon's Customer Service Department in which I mentioned Paul being so helpful.

I also made a note of the new password for future bill payment. Hopefully I don't lose it.

Hey I'm totally linking up with Yeah Write. Check it out:

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Best way to spend a Saturday night

Going to see a show on the Strip:  $50 and up, give or take an arm or a leg.

Going to see a movie: $50 including over-priced tickets, stale, unevenly buttered popcorn, watered-down drink, and half filled box of raisinets.

Getting your butt kicked by your 8-year old while playing Go Fish in the comfort of your own home:  Priceless.

And embarrassing.

I'm linking up with the Yeah Write blogging peeps.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

A Vegas-style snow day

This morning at 8:00 am my cell phone rang and since I didn't recognize the number I let it go to voice mail.  I figured I would deal with it later. Oh and for the record, nothing good ever comes from an early morning phone call. Usually someone's dead, in an accident, stranded or in need of a change of clothes. Morbid, yes. But true. Good phone calls usually come late morning when you're dressed and on your third cup of coffee and second load of laundry. But I digress.

Twenty minutes later there's a commotion downstairs and my son comes bursting into my room to say there's no school. My immediate thought is did it snow? What can I say? I'm from the East Coast and days off happen when there's bad weather.

Then Billy comes in and tells me the school is in lock down because of a shooter in the area and all kids are being sent home or re-routed to a nearby middle school.

Whoa! Shooter? Lock Down? What The Eff???

This is a relatively quiet area. Sure we have your routine criminal activity but nothing like this. So I immediately go online while Billy puts on the TV news to find out what's going on. Turns out some guy was shooting an apartment in the complex across the street from my son's school. He drove through the garage and holed himself up inside. It was a standoff.

The school's principal called 2 more times this morning with a recorded message updating us on the situation. Oh and the phone call I missed earlier was the school district telling me what was happening.

Just before noon, a final phone call advised us that the lock down was lifted and students could return to the school but we were already on out way out to lunch with the kid. I figured the day was pretty much done and he wasn't going to learn anything in 2 hours (not counting phys. ed. and lunch/recess) so we kept him home. I can't imagine much learning would be taking place anyway.

I'm just grateful it all worked out and the kids are all safe. Unfortunately, the suspect hasn't been caught, yet.

And I'm trying not to get all panicked and freak out about Chris returning to school tomorrow, despite my mother, the Doom-Sayer, who keeps mentioning that the shooter is still at-large. Thanks, Mom. You can go back to your soap box now and let everyone know that the world is ending soon.