Friday, June 29, 2012

The running commentary in my head

Everyone has that little voice in their head. You know, the one that makes snarky comments, warns you about something or has a full on conversation with you? Yes, that one.

My little voice is more like a constant inner dialogue and it's sometimes very fresh. Funny, but fresh. I mean, I don't just people-watch, I people-comment. Not out loud, though. No, that would be very bad. I'd probably get cussed out. And beat up. And possibly arrested. So I keep my comments to myself. Sometimes I mutter them under my breath or I lean over and whisper to Bill.

I can't help myself.  The world is just so colorful. And some of the people are just so comment-worthy.

Hey, I know I am far from perfect.  Like, another planet kinda far. And I'm sure people comment about me. That's fine. I'm happy to get a walk-on part in someone else's running commentary. (Thank you for that.) I just hope that their voice eventually shuts up.  Because mine, never does!

Anyone else make snide, sarcastic comments to themselves about people and things?  I know I can't be the only one. Fess up people!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

To wear or not to wear

This past Monday and Tuesday we took Christopher out for the day to have some fun and because it was too hot to do anything else.

On Monday we went to Adventuredome, which is an amusement park inside Circus Circus Hotel/Casino.

Tuesday we all went to the Rio Hotel's Voodoo Beach, an outdoor pool/beach area. Chris had a blast both days. Moreso at the pool because what kid doesn't like splashing in the water with other kids?

I noticed on both days how inappropriately some parents dress while out with their children. Or how their wardrobe seemed incongruous with the weather. Uggs in 105 degrees? What are you thinking???

So I compiled a list of acceptable/unacceptable clothing. Please note, this is just my opinion and since I dress more or less for comfort than for style, take it with a grain of salt.

Wearing high heels, a tight skirt and an off-the-shoulder blouse is not conducive to walking your child around an indoor amusement park. Although, it might get your child a discount or more turns on the rides, in which case, the jokes on me and I'm digging out my mini skirt right now.

Men should only wear flip flops at the pool, the beach or at home. No one wants to see ugly men feet while grocery shopping. Or at an amusement park.

Speedos on men are never acceptable. Unless you're in Europe where toplessness and showing lots of skin is considered normal.  Or, if you're an underwear model.

High heeled open toe shoes at a pool surrounded by sand is not a smart idea what with all the sinking your heels will do. Unless you also wear them to the beach, in which case walk on with your bad self and your mini sink-hole making shoes.

I'm not a slave to fashion by any stretch. If it's hot I dress to be cool. If I'm going to be walking a lot I wear the right shoes and clothes so I'm not a hot, cranky, sore-footed mess at the end. I may end up a hot mess anyway but dangit I'm going to be comfortable doing so!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Friday, June 8, 2012

First day of summer break!

Today was the Little Man's  first day of summer vacation. And he did...nothing. Well, nothing terribly exciting. He watched some videos, played video games and went to the park in the evening. I thought it would be nice to let him unwind and veg out. He's got 10 more weeks in which to do some fun stuff.

Bill's 'weekend' is Monday and Tuesday so we plan to take some day trips to Lake Mead and some other places. And of course there's pool-hopping at some of the hotel pools. Little Man is a water baby and loves swimming in pools.

In other related news: I can't believe he's going into the 4th grade. Even scarier is that he has two more years in Elementary School before he becomes a Middle Schooler. Say wha????

Sunday, June 3, 2012

A series of mishaps starring: Me!

So occasionally things happen to me, purely by accident, but nonetheless funny.  At least to me. Bill laughs, too, but it's usually accompanied by much head-shaking, followed by the words, "This could only happen to you."  I assure you, dear Husband, this cannot be the case.

A few examples:

Little Man and I were downstairs one day and I went to use the bathroom. He called to me with a question and I turned to answer him. Then I opened the door, turned on the light and walked in. Why am I in here?  I looked around confused. I was in the closet. What the hell?

I shut off the light, closed the door and went into the room that I really wanted, which was next to the closet. In my defense, I was distracted. Plus, lots of people mistake the closet for the bathroom. Let's just be glad I realized in time.

I'm sure there are other people who have put their underwear on inside out. It's an easy mistake and, once again, not my fault. Here's what happened: Bill did the laundry and folded and put away the clothes. When I grabbed my undies I put them on as usual. They were a pair of plain, red, cotton briefs. Nothing frilly or lacy. I went through the whole day until once while in the bathroom (another bathroom incident...weird) when I reached to pull them up I noticed the waistband felt different. That's when I saw they were inside out.

I laughed. Then I told Bill and he laughed. Then I said, "Thanks for folding my undies the wrong way!" And he replied, "You're welcome. Maybe next time you'll check before putting them on."  Gee, thanks for putting me in charge of micro-managing your laundry skills.

That's all for now. This will no doubt be an ongoing series of humiliating incidents with me. Stay tuned.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

I would make a half-assed bat

And here's why: I don't see well in the dark. This would make the idiom "blind as a bat" true for me if only that phrase were true. I found the following on

Are Bats Really Blind?
This saying has become a fixture of everyday vernacular and the assumption likely developed because bats primarily use a form of sonar to navigate through dark areas and avoid obstacles. However, their eyes, while small and sometimes poorly developed, are also completely functional, not to mention the fact that they have excellent hearing and sense of smell. 

Anyway, I could probably get by relying on my other senses, except my sense of smell would be compromised because my nose frequently battles allergies to breathe. And I lack the ability to use sonar for navigation although I have my trusty cell phone as a night light to get around.

I have most some of the necessary bat requirements pretty much covered. My wardrobe includes a lot of    dark clothing. Not in the goth sense more in the black-goes-with-everything sense. And I'm nocturnal in that I'm always up late at night. Probably because I have a bit of insomnia.

I also have good hearing and prefer to watch TV with the volume at a low level. Often when Bill sits down while I'm watching something he'll say, "Oh the bat is in the room again."  He likes the volume loud enough to broadcast to the neighborhood. It's a battle between us.

The only other problem I would have in being a bat is that I don't fly. Unless someone built me a wingman suit. And the whole sleeping upside down thing.  Not giving up my sleep number bed to hang from the ceiling of some dank cave. I draw the line there.

This whole post brought to you by the letter O, for Odd stuff that I think about when I can't sleep.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Evolution of the mom cold

I'm getting over bronchitis and laryngitis. I know, double ick! 

Here's what happened: Just before Memorial Day weekend, Little Man had the sniffles and a sore throat. He took some kid's meds and continued running around, playing video games and was feeling fine.

But, he shared.

That Sunday we were out most of the day and I was feeling a little meh but chalked it up to weather change (it was unseasonably cool for a few days) and allergies (lots of wind). I went to bed that night at such a ridiculously early time (9:30!!) with a headache, scratchy throat and sniffles.

Monday morning I was illin'. My throat was so sore it was like I swallowed razor blades in my sleep. I stayed in bed all day taking over-the-counter stuff and got up around dinner time to have some tea and a banana. On the bright side, I thought, cool I could stand to lose a few pounds!

On Tuesday I started to feel slightly better but I sounded horrible. Probably like a stopped up drain would sound if it could talk. I didn't go in to volunteer at JDRF and Bill said, "Good, they don't need your germs over there." Gee thanks, hon.

Wednesday I was feeling better but I sounded worse. My voice would only let me croak out every other word and I was coughing so much I'm sure the neighbors must have thought we were training circus seals. I called JDRF to tell them that I wouldn't be coming in, again, and I'm sure when Colleen, the director, answered the phone, she must have thought, "Who is this man calling me at 8 in the morning?" until I identified myself.  Yeah, that bad.  I sounded like Demi Moore & Suzanne Pleshette's lovechild.

By Thursday I was much better in spite of coughing fits and still sounding like I drank too much whiskey and smoked too many cigarettes.

My question is this: How is it that my child gets this little hint of unwell and I get zonked? It's like my body becomes a playground for these cold germs and they don't want to leave.

I would also like to point out that being sick in real life is nothing like it appears on TV. The TV moms have these dainty little colds; they do a cute sniffle and gently dab their noses. Their coughs sound like a small throat clearing and they still look ready to walk down the runway sporting next year's finest fashions. Meanwhile, when I'm all sick I look like some medical experiment gone terribly wrong with watery eyes, crust under my nose, coughing up all forms of ick; my hair looks like I combed it in the dark with a fork and all I want on me is my comfortable clothes which are probably wrinkled with holes and stains from the last time I cleaned the house.

It just ain't fair!!

On the up side Little Man checks on me often out of concern when I'm sick in bed. On the flip side he keeps me at  a distance so I "don't give him any of my germs." Hunh!!