Thursday, April 10, 2014

I started out shopping for my mom

Have you ever sat down at your computer knowing you had emails to check, posts to write, and stuff to look up and your mind goes blank and you think, I have no idea what I'm doing? That just happened. But that's not what this post is about.

Yesterday I was out shopping for clothes as a birthday gift for my mom so naturally I found stuff for me. And since I can never find anything when I specifically look for myself I ran with it. I picked some items and headed to the fitting room.

Tee shirt. No problem, even a little tres chic.
Sleep shirt and shorts. Soft, nice. Hey the husband can get me this for my birthday. He'll be happy 'bout that! I'm multi-tasking even as I shop!
Jeans. First pair are comfy, and a little loose. I must have lost weight! Bit long-ish but I can cuff them up and during the Winter they'll be perfect with boots.
Second pair of jeans. I slip my legs in and "Houston, we have a problem."  This feels less like I'm trying on jeans and more like I'm shoving sausage meat into a casing.
Third pair of jeans. What twisted psychopath designed these? I mean, tight jeans are one thing but this is an affront to non-zero size women everywhere.

When I exit the fitting room, the attendant looks at me with a big smile that says, "So, how'd we do?" I tell her I'm not taking these and I plop down the offending jeans. Then I add, "These aren't jeans, they're strangulation devices." To which she laughed and agreed with me.


  1. That was me today. I knew I had tons of blogging to do and it didn't happen until tonight. I don't know how they are making jeans these days, but I hat 90% of the ones I try on. Doesn't matter if they are $50 or $250- I hate them all.

    1. Jeans are evil. They are the fully clothed equivalent of the bathing suit.