Saturday, March 10, 2012

Verizon almost got me killed

I tried to pay my Verizon Wireless bill last night but when I went to log in I somehow had the incorrect password and eventually it locked me out of the account. There was much cursing.

In order to access the account I now had to enter the last 4 SSN digits of the primary account holder (husband). I did this and then it prompted me for a Verifiable Bill Security Password. What in the heyall? I guessed. I was wrong. I tried again. Still wrong. I cursed again.

It then said if I had any problems to contact customer service. More cursing on my end. So, I reluctantly dialed their 800 number. After choosing the directory I needed it asked me for the account password. Huh? If I knew that I wouldn't be calling now, would I? I pressed 0 hoping to get to an operator. "Option invalid." I said "representative." It continued to cycle through my options, none of which pertained to me.

I started shouting into my phone "Representative! A human! Someone who can help me!" As if sensing my frustration and how close I was to flushing my phone down the toilet the automated system told me to press 0 if I wanted to speak to a Customer Care Associate. Finally!!

Paul came on the line and after his introductory spiel asked me how he could help. I explained the problem. He said since I was only an Account Manager and not the Primary Account Holder he couldn't tell me the password on file. Christ on a bike! I'm the effing wife! I pay this damn bill! I told Paul I knew my husband's mother's maiden name, the name of his first dog, his height, weight and blood type. Help me out for the love of all that's holy! He laughed and said if I knew the last 4 digits of his SSN, that would work. Oy! Didn't I already do this? Okay, fine, so I give him the numbers.

Paul unlocked the account and texted a temporary password to Bill's phone which I entered. Then Paul had to do a few more things in order for me to go online and change the password again to something I would remember.

While Paul did his thing I joked around with him. "Ya know my husband is going to kill me for changing the password. The headlines will scream "Verizon blamed in death of wife". There'll be a media firestorm. People will be outraged, customers will switch service providers and stocks will plummet. All because of Verizon's security protocol."




Paul was hysterical. "See, you should be glad I called. It was a break in the monotony of your shift." I said. He agreed.

When we finally concluded our business he asked the usual .."anything else I can help you with?"

"No, but thank you for your help, patience and courtesy. In spite of the fact that I am late in paying my bill."

Then I paid my bill online and wrote a nice complimentary email to Verizon's Customer Service Department in which I mentioned Paul being so helpful.

I also made a note of the new password for future bill payment. Hopefully I don't lose it.

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36 comments:

  1. Haha! This sounds like something that would (and has) happened at my house! Mr.McHunky gets frustrated with me all the time because I have a gazillion different passwords and can never remember any of them!

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    1. Between passwords and security questions it's enough to make you insane!

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  2. I loathe being locked out of accounts. It's happened a few times.
    I'm sure you made Paul's day! Funny, funny post.

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    1. Thanks Heidi! This happens with my Amex account, too. I've been locked out more times than I can count. Glad you liked.

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  3. Hmmm. We may be more alike than i thought. Have you seen my tech woes?? I have all kinds of password issues. You are right, though. That changing passwords deal can get you killed---shwoooo, glad you are still around to tell the tale. anyway, I like the storytelling in this one---the character of Representative Paul, the exchange over how well you know your husband---good stuff. Funny too. Bonus points! Erin

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    1. Thank you so much Erin! I appreciate your kind comments.

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  4. I have many, many times screamed out 'Representative' in vain. My daughter probably thinks it's another swear word! My you never forget again.

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    1. LOL. I hate getting lost in v.mail hell.

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  5. Ha I HATE it when I forget passwords. What a pain. It was nice of you to give that guy a shoutout, though...

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    1. Forgetting your password is up there with sitting on the toilet and the last person didn't put in a fresh roll of paper. Arrrrgh! I try to be nice when I can.

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  6. I've lived out this evening many times. Like you, I try to at least provide some entertainment to the young person on the other end of the line! Great post.

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    1. I think some customer service reps appreciate when you have a sense of humor. Thanks for reading, Louise!

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  7. I hate passwords and password protectors and calling about passwords... so frustrating X-(

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    1. Let's start a password elimination campaign! Or just think of easier-to-remember passwords. :)

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  8. You mean he didn't ask you on a scale of 1-10 if they call to see how your service was what would you tell them? I am in charge of ALL of that because my husband would be completely lost.
    ~The G is Silent

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    1. No I didn't get the rating question. He just asked if he successfully helped me resolve my problem. Most husbands have Zero time for this stuff.

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  9. i forget passwords all the time. It was only this past year I memorized my husband's SSN. Glad Paul was so helpful.

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    1. You're one up on me, I only remember the last 4 digits of the husband's SSN. I shudder to think if Paul had needed the entire number.

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  10. Passwords drive.me.crazy. We live in a society of passwords for everything. The worse ones are where you're required to include at least one letter in caps, at least one number, at least one symbol. Gah! Glad you had your problem sorted out!

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    1. I agree completely! I try to keep my passwords mainly similar but when I need to add a number, a symbol, etc...sigh! Next thing ya know we'll have to submit blood. *eye roll*

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  11. oh cripes on a bike ;) i've been down this SAME road many a time. :)

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    1. I hear ya sister! That road sucks! Every. Time!

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  12. You are WAY, WAY more polite than I am. That's pretty impressive!

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    1. Thanks Ado! I must've taken my 'Nice' pills that day.

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  13. You are so awesome for writing a nice note to Verizon about Paul! When I read "Christ on a bike" I almost peed my pants! Passwords, captchas, giving blood to prove you are the cardholder all drive me bonkers. I feel for ya!

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    1. Thanks Jen! Lol, it's my frustrated catchphrase of the day. Mmm hmm. *nods*

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  14. Your sense of humor serves you well. I dread picking up the phone and having to talk with a rep. But you made the best of it and brightened someone's day. Chances are Paul rarely talks to anyone who makes him laugh. Cheers to you for that! Funny post!

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    1. Thanks Stephanie for the nice compliments.

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  15. That whole primary acct holder thing REALLY ticks me off!! Good for you for keeping your sense of humor and getting the job done! I probably would have hung up in a huff. :-)

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    1. I thought about hanging up but then I would still be locked out of the account and more pissed than before.

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  16. I could feel the stress just reading about that miserable chain of events. At least you got a good laugh in the end. And no murder charge.

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    1. Thankfully it worked out. I don't do dead very well and prison orange wouldn't suit the husband at all.

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  17. I'm glad you wrote a complimentary note. I don't think that happens enough. I try to give one compliment for every complaint - I don't succeed, but I try. It mainly because I complain way too much.

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    1. It's so hard because I think customer service has really suffered in the last few years, so when I come across someone who deserves a good word, I try to be complimentary. Complain is an ugly word...let's say you are vocally opinionated. :D

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  18. I stay clear of all things account. I agree w/Kristin, so glad to hear you wrote the note too!

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