Friday, May 8, 2015

Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud

Sometimes I just blurt things out for shock value or just to be a smart ass. Or because in my own mind I think I'm very comical. Following are a few examples of Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud:

When discussing an odd-shaped sculpture:

Me: It looks phallic.
Other person: Um, we're going to fill it with an orchid.
Me: You should fill it with condoms.

When discussing the size of the freezer attached to a large refrigerator at a newly built house:

Husband: Wow, check out how much room is in here.
Me: Yeah, you could totally hide a body in here. Without even having to chop it up first.
The other people looking through the house backed away quietly.

When discussing a new dosage of medication with a nurse at my doctor's office:

Nurse: What seems to be the problem with the medication?
Me: I think the doctor's trying to kill me.
Nurse: Can you hold, please?
Then she transferred me to someone else.

That old saying, Silence is Golden may be wise and truthful. However, it's just not as funny.


  1. Haha! I have a ton of those! I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

    In my mindfulness class:

    Teacher: If you would like to know more about this technique you can look it up, but I'm not sure it's on Google.
    Me: Are you kidding? Everything is on Google. I bet they have porn about it.
    Teacher: ...
    Me: It's called rule 34.
    Teacher (to rest of group): ... Anyway...

    1. Excellent! At the very least you should get an A for participation in class.