When discussing an odd-shaped sculpture:
Me: It looks phallic.
Other person: Um, we're going to fill it with an orchid.
Me: You should fill it with condoms.
Silence.
When discussing the size of the freezer attached to a large refrigerator at a newly built house:
Husband: Wow, check out how much room is in here.
Me: Yeah, you could totally hide a body in here. Without even having to chop it up first.
The other people looking through the house backed away quietly.
When discussing a new dosage of medication with a nurse at my doctor's office:
Nurse: What seems to be the problem with the medication?
Me: I think the doctor's trying to kill me.
Nurse: Can you hold, please?
Then she transferred me to someone else.
That old saying, Silence is Golden may be wise and truthful. However, it's just not as funny.
Haha! I have a ton of those! I'm so glad I'm not the only one!
ReplyDeleteIn my mindfulness class:
Teacher: If you would like to know more about this technique you can look it up, but I'm not sure it's on Google.
Me: Are you kidding? Everything is on Google. I bet they have porn about it.
Teacher: ...
Me: It's called rule 34.
Teacher (to rest of group): ... Anyway...
Excellent! At the very least you should get an A for participation in class.
Delete