Love makes it all worth it

Ah the joys of Motherhood.

First there's pregnancy. The nausea, puking, backaches. Your stomach grows so that you resemble a Macy's parade balloon.

Then comes labor in all its excruciating glory; the pushing, the yelling, the mess and finally a baby.  And then there are the sleepless nights and a routine of eat, sleep, poop and repeat.

Followed by:
Chasing after a newly walking and then running, toddler on the loose.

Stepping on Legos and assorted action figures in the middle of the night.

Cleaning up missed aim even after repeating the phrase, "Do pee pee into the toilet."

Temper tantrums because he doesn't want to be there wherever there is and total meltdowns because he's hungry.

The many 'nots': Not eating what you prepared, not listening when you say "don't touch that", not wanting to do homework.

The endless cleaning of stickiness, spillages, crumbs, and fingerprints.

And then one day he hugs you and says, "Mom, I could never get a better mother than you. I love you."

And that, well, that wipes away all the pain and challenging times and makes it all worth it.

We interrupt this blog to say "Thank You"

I'd like to take a few minutes out of my daily blog to thank all of the awesome people/fellow bloggers who come to read my posts, comment on them and/or have joined as a member. I heart you. Really, I do.

Although I love to write and do it because I have an insatiable need to comment on everything, it does make me feel less like I'm talking to myself when other people pop in. *Choked up sob* I promised myself I wouldn't cry...I'm kidding.

So, a big ol' Thank You to you all. I enjoy reading your comments and likewise, I enjoy reading your blogs as well. And thanks to Erica and Yeah Write - Love Links for letting me share my blog and giving me the opportunity to meet some fabulous people. Still waiting for a bottle of bathtub gin, though. Anyway, you all rock!

And that concludes our mushy segment of this blog. We now return you to our usual snark.

Attitude of Gratitude

About a month ago, during one of my insomniac nights when my mind is a tornado of all things wrong/not done/could be better in my life I started thinking instead of all the things I am grateful for in my life. As I mentally ticked off my blessings I realized I have a lot to be grateful for and this made me smile. It also made me relax enough to fall asleep. Or maybe it was the counting that finally did me in. Math always did bore me, but I digress.

I call it my Attitude of Gratitude list because it improves my attitude. I realize it may sound like cheesy, religious spiel or something you see on Oprah but I think it helps to calm me if I focus on all the good in my life instead of the stupidly wrong. It certainly lightens my attitude enough to not want to plot the diabolical ends of people who piss me off. Well, no, I still do that I just don't act on it and I thank my Gratitude list for that.

I also don't walk around all "Mary Sunshine" either but when I start to feel down or can't sleep it's nice to pull out this mental list. It reminds me of what matters.

My Gratitude list probably includes the same as a lot of peoples:  family, good friends, a home, a job (if you're fortunate enough to have one, especially one you enjoy). I mention stuff I sometimes take for granted like good physical health and little things like my love of reading and writing.

Then there are those who make the list automatically no matter how much they annoyed the crap out of me like Bill or my mom. But not the dogs next door who are always barking their little heads off like wind-up toys, no they go on the List-to-plot-the-diabolical-ends-of-but-don't-actually-do-it. They should be grateful for that list.


Anyway, everyone has something or some things that they are grateful for. Do you have a list and what (or who) is on it? Feel free to share.

Attack of the killer mutant snow goons

I'm a big fan of Calvin & Hobbes and my favorite is the Snow Art series. If you're not familiar with the comic, it's about a little boy (Calvin) and his stuffed tiger (Hobbes - which in his mind is alive). Each winter when it snowed they set about making snow men, but not your cute, run-of-the-mill Frosty types. These were freakish snow monsters sometimes doing horrific things. Hilarious. So in honor of winter and the recent snow that has fallen in many parts of the country, here are some pics of Calvin & Hobbes and their mutant snow goons:

So that's how it works? I was totally using it wrong.

The other night I got up to go to the bathroom. Bill (the husband) turned and asked me, "Where are you going?" I told him. And then he asked, "Why are you taking your cell phone?" I looked at him and replied, "Because it's my flashlight." Then he turned over and went back to sleep.

What? Oh come now, I know I'm not the first person to use their cell phone as a flashlight to see in the dark. In fact, I use other things in ways not intended. I'm sure you do, too. Take for instance, a butter knife. It makes a handy screwdriver. Especially if something comes loose in the kitchen. See the convenience there?

I use Bill's pillow to prop my laptop on if I'm on my bed. This annoys him, mostly when he needs his pillow to go to sleep. He went out and bought me a laptop stand just for this reason. I use it to stack all my I'll-deal-with-it-later mail. At least it's being used!

Apparently this misuse of things runs in the family. My mom's letter opener broke. She now uses a paring knife to open her mail. I asked her why she didn't just go out and buy a new letter opener. Her answer: "Why? This knife works just as well." I get where you're comin' from, Mom.

Anxiety and panic

If you're a fan of The Bloggess, like I am, you may have read her Post in which she discusses her fight with depression last week. I read it. And it inspired me to share my own struggles with anxiety and panic disorder.

These are not easy illnesses to talk about. The stigma that surrounds them and the lack of understanding by society makes many of us hide away how we truly feel. Dealing with anxiety attacks and panic disorder is scary and frustrating and makes me feel damaged. This isn't something I can "get over". Nor is it something I do for attention. Believe me, there are lots more fun ways to be in the spotlight. Being unable to breathe and breaking out in a cold sweat are not them.

I can't tell you what started my disorders. There are no traumatic events or serious illnesses that caused them. Just like I couldn't tell you when or where I might suffer an attack. All I know is that they are physically debilitating.  The anxiety causes me to feel out of control and then I panic and all I know is that I feel like I've got to get out of here. Now! I remember avoiding some outings just so I didn't chance an attack happening. But that made me feel like a recluse and I hated missing out. I knew there was something wrong so I made an appointment to see a doctor and he diagnosed me.

Currently I take medication which makes me feel even-keeled. I haven't had any episodes or attacks in almost three years. And even then they were minor in scale because of the meds. Now, I'm not advocating pills to deal with anxiety, panic or whatever disorder you suffer from. I'm just saying that they work for me. And as long as my fabulous doctor is in agreement, I'll keep taking them.

I'm hoping for a time when I won't be dependent on medication to get through the day. Right now, though, I still need them. I'm not ready yet and too scared to go pill-free. I'm like a little kid and the world is my big, scary closet full of monsters. However, the meds help me keep the closet door closed, until I'm ready to slay the monsters on my own.

Get linked!

No more lives to live

It's the end of an era. A daytime era to be exact. Today marked the last airing of the ABC daytime soap opera, "One Life To Live".

I haven't watched the show as religiously as I did years ago but I always kept in touch with the happenings. I did watch the last two weeks just to see how it would all end. Would all loose ends get tied up? Would characters get their happy-ever-after? Would Llanview be decimated off the map? (I know it's a fictional town that was never really on the map in the first place, but humor me.)

My grandma got my mom into the show and then I got interested. Even after my grandma died and my mom went back to work and lost interest, I kept watching, until such a time as I could no longer keep up.

OLTL has been around longer than I've been alive. Not that I'm so old but still it's a long time. And I always thought it would be around, waiting for me to come back like a long-lost son or the daughter it never knew existed.

It's a shame that ABC didn't see the value in this show (or All My Children - which it canceled September 2011). These shows are an escape, like a good trashy novel. They amuse us, anger us, and mostly entertain us. The characters become family. We cheer for them and cry with them. But that's what a good show does...it gets us involved.  Sure it's make-believe and some of the story lines are so far-fetched but that's what makes it so much fun. It's a guilty pleasure.

Who knows, maybe somewhere down the road the show will be resurrected and come back from the dead like a favorite character.

In the meantime, farewell Llanview and all your inhabitants: Viki/Niki Lord Reilly Buchanan  etc.etc., the Buchanan cowboys, the crazy Cramers, the beautiful Llanfair mansion and everyone else. I'm gonna miss you.

Strong emotions

When I was a little girl and I felt strongly against something I would use the word hate. My grandmother would say, "Hate is a strong word. Say instead that you dislike it." These days I tell Little Man the same thing.

And then the other night while I was giving him an insulin shot he said that he hated diabetes and he hated God for giving it to him. At first I went to correct him but then I thought he's feeling what he wants and expressing himself about his disease. He doesn't actually hate God, he's just looking for someone to blame for it all. Me too. So I said nothing and just hugged him.

Dislike might be a nicer way to express how much you don't like something. But sometimes disliking something isn't enough. I don't just dislike having to watch him prick his little fingers or giving him insulin shots. I Hate it. I hate that he has this disease. I hate that he has to be mindful of what he eats. I hate that we have to monitor his blood glucose levels. I hate when his levels are high and I hate when they are low. And most of all I hate that I have no one and nothing to blame for him having diabetes in the first place. Sorry Grandma, I don't just dislike it, I HATE it.

I keep my hate to myself. But I let Little Man openly feel what he wants to feel as he manages his life as a diabetic. If he wants to cry, I let him. If he wants to scream, I let him. If he wants to hate the disease, I let him. The only thing I won't do is let him cope on his own. For the most part these dramatic displays of emotion are few and far between. Mostly he just gets frustrated or loses patience. Like if his blood glucose meter doesn't register his blood sugar levels correctly because of an insufficient amount of blood on the test strip and he has to prick another finger. It's understandable.

Oh and later on that evening as I was tucking him into bed he told me he didn't really hate God, he was just really upset. I Love that kid.

Happy Optimistic New Year!

2011 wasn't all that great. For a lot of people. I don't need to go into the details because we all know the hardships people are enduring. Still, on New Year's Eve and in the 2 days following, I've sensed a lot of optimism in the air. Folks feel happy to a greet a new year. They've shelved the old year and look ahead with renewed purpose. It's like a sense of camaraderie, of "We're all in this together" and "This is going to be our year!"

I feel it, too. I look to 2012 with hope and good feeling. I've set some goals and feel good about attaining them. I wish everyone a wonderful new year filled with renewal, betterment and goodness. Let's do this!