Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Strong emotions

When I was a little girl and I felt strongly against something I would use the word hate. My grandmother would say, "Hate is a strong word. Say instead that you dislike it." These days I tell Little Man the same thing.

And then the other night while I was giving him an insulin shot he said that he hated diabetes and he hated God for giving it to him. At first I went to correct him but then I thought he's feeling what he wants and expressing himself about his disease. He doesn't actually hate God, he's just looking for someone to blame for it all. Me too. So I said nothing and just hugged him.

Dislike might be a nicer way to express how much you don't like something. But sometimes disliking something isn't enough. I don't just dislike having to watch him prick his little fingers or giving him insulin shots. I Hate it. I hate that he has this disease. I hate that he has to be mindful of what he eats. I hate that we have to monitor his blood glucose levels. I hate when his levels are high and I hate when they are low. And most of all I hate that I have no one and nothing to blame for him having diabetes in the first place. Sorry Grandma, I don't just dislike it, I HATE it.

I keep my hate to myself. But I let Little Man openly feel what he wants to feel as he manages his life as a diabetic. If he wants to cry, I let him. If he wants to scream, I let him. If he wants to hate the disease, I let him. The only thing I won't do is let him cope on his own. For the most part these dramatic displays of emotion are few and far between. Mostly he just gets frustrated or loses patience. Like if his blood glucose meter doesn't register his blood sugar levels correctly because of an insufficient amount of blood on the test strip and he has to prick another finger. It's understandable.

Oh and later on that evening as I was tucking him into bed he told me he didn't really hate God, he was just really upset. I Love that kid.


25 comments:

  1. We also don't use the word 'hate' in our house. But if you're going to use it, I would think your little guy has every reason to when it comes to diabetes. *hugs*

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  2. I hate diabetes too. My Father-in-law passed away from complications due to it (he was a stubborn old man and didn't take care of himself) and we have to live with the fear that my wife and oldest child may develop it (they are very high risk). It's scary and stressful at times, but I think you have the right of it in just helping your little cope.

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    1. It's a tough disease no matter what but it's especially hard for kids. I pray that your wife and oldest child do not have it.

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  3. This one put a big lump in my throat.
    What a selfless and sweet mother you are for having to watch your child go through that every day.
    So glad you posted this.
    I think I love him too! (-;

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    1. Awww thanks Ado, that means a lot. I do what I have to for him.

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  4. I love this post. Blame and hate are two feelings I am more familiar than I would like with and I dread the day my son feels the same. Thanks for sharing such a positive light on it, and for writing it so beautifully. Xx

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    1. Thank you very much. I find that writing about it helps me to better cope.

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  5. Poor guy! I get the "no hate" thing, but I think you were 100% right in that scenario. I hate diabetes too!! Big old hugs

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    1. Thank you Jackie! *Hugs back* and *fingers crossed* that one day we find a cure.

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  6. I HATE that you, and he, have to go through this. God bless.

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    1. I appreciate that. God bless you as well.

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  7. This makes so much sense.
    I too hate that he has to go through this.
    I hate that my daughter has a peanut allergy.
    I hate that there isn't a way for us to take these things away from our children.

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    1. Anything that affects our children's health is hard to deal with. I wish you luck with your daughter and her allergy. That can't be easy to deal with either.

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  8. Kids are so wise. I agree Hate is o.k to say under certain situations. What a sweet young man you have there. My mother is a diabetic. But it is different when its you baby.
    XOXO,
    Shirley

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  9. I agree with everything you say about the word, "hate." I remember telling my father I hated him once and my mother coming in to talk to me, telling me how hurtful that word is and how it can't be taken back after it's said. In your son's case, however, I think you are totally right to let him express his emotions. What a strong little guy.

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    1. Sometimes I think he is stronger in dealing with this than I am. Thanks for your kind words, Laura.

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  10. Love the honesty this post displays. I hate when my daughter misses her dad and cries and cries about it. Because we are divorced, I feel to blame. I just tell her, "I am sorry," and "It's normal and ok to be sad."
    It's never fun to see our kids feeling angry and sad. I feel for you and am glad you were willing to share this one.
    Kimberly

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    1. I'm so sorry for your situation, but you shouldn't blame yourself. Although I understand why you do. I hope life gets easier, for all of us.

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  11. Good for you, Sandy. It seems kids fare so much better if we just acknowledge what they are feeling. How great that he recognized and later told you that he didn't really hate God - he was just angry. Anger is one of a number of perfectly acceptable, natural, human emotions. So great that you are teaching him that it is okay to express it and that he has a safe place to do so in you.

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  12. Poor bug...it's so hard to be a kiddo and have to process all the whys...and as a parent to let them feel is a great gift that sets the table for a long life of feeling like your emotions are valid. I hate for you all that you are confronted with diabetes but I love that he can be angry and that he also knows when he has felt anger...thanks for sharing and I too rarely use the word hate but like having a model and a story for when my minis are older I can remember this.

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  13. So sweet. Good for you for understanding his need to feel his own feelings, and sort them out intellectually later. It takes them some time, I think.

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  14. My cousin's son has diabetes and has been so brave since his diagnosis several years ago. He's 12 years old now and I remember when he, too, told his mother that he hated diabetes. I hate it, too. Great post.

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  15. My mom taught me the same about hate and I have continued it in my house. Assigning words is hard and teaching them the words for how they feel is even more HARD!! Sounds like you've got it figured out!

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