These are not easy illnesses to talk about. The stigma that surrounds them and the lack of understanding by society makes many of us hide away how we truly feel. Dealing with anxiety attacks and panic disorder is scary and frustrating and makes me feel damaged. This isn't something I can "get over". Nor is it something I do for attention. Believe me, there are lots more fun ways to be in the spotlight. Being unable to breathe and breaking out in a cold sweat are not them.
I can't tell you what started my disorders. There are no traumatic events or serious illnesses that caused them. Just like I couldn't tell you when or where I might suffer an attack. All I know is that they are physically debilitating. The anxiety causes me to feel out of control and then I panic and all I know is that I feel like I've got to get out of here. Now! I remember avoiding some outings just so I didn't chance an attack happening. But that made me feel like a recluse and I hated missing out. I knew there was something wrong so I made an appointment to see a doctor and he diagnosed me.
Currently I take medication which makes me feel even-keeled. I haven't had any episodes or attacks in almost three years. And even then they were minor in scale because of the meds. Now, I'm not advocating pills to deal with anxiety, panic or whatever disorder you suffer from. I'm just saying that they work for me. And as long as my fabulous doctor is in agreement, I'll keep taking them.
I'm hoping for a time when I won't be dependent on medication to get through the day. Right now, though, I still need them. I'm not ready yet and too scared to go pill-free. I'm like a little kid and the world is my big, scary closet full of monsters. However, the meds help me keep the closet door closed, until I'm ready to slay the monsters on my own.
Get linked!
I applaud you for writing about this. It takes a lot of courage to talk about. I often think about writing a post about my depression and anxiety, but then I freak out and think, "I can't tell people that." But I should. Because it helps other people who suffer from the same thing to read about it. Posts like this one. Thanks for sharing and making me feel like I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteIt's important for those of us who suffer to realize that we ARE NOT alone. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. *hugs* to you and thanks for becoming a member of my site.
DeleteI think that panic attacks are not something you really understand (no matter how much someone describes them) until they happen to you. My best friend growing up used to get them all the time... and as much as I tried to be there for her when then happened, I totally just didn't fully understand until I actually had one myself. I am fortunate that I have only had one really major panic attack ever... and I will never forget it. I would absolutely dread it reoccurring over and over without a moments notice. Mine might have been post-pardon based... not sure. I am so glad you were able to somewhat control them though.
ReplyDeleteAnd talking and writing about it (at least for me) ALWAYS helps. Always...
You are so right, Kate. Until you experience it firsthand, you have no idea. Your friend was lucky to have you around to help her through them.
DeleteAs someone who's struggled with these same issues on and off myself- I really appreciate you for putting this out there. I do think that when we can be honest and not feel shamed by these things others having trouble with depression and or anxiety will too.
ReplyDeleteSadly the stigma surrounding any and all mental illnesses is still very jaded.
DeleteI so get this.
ReplyDeleteI have had an anxiety disorder since I was 18 and battled PPD after my daughter was born.
I'm now dealing with depression and a mood disorder.
All I can say to someone who is struggling is to stay strong and keep fighting.
There is an end.
Thanks Leighann. I wish you well in your fight, too. Sending hugs and good vibes your way.
Delete"This isn't something I can "get over". Nor is it something I do for attention." This is the most frustrating aspect of dealing with anything labeled mental health or illness. Symptoms are not controllable. Do we get colds, fevers, and chronic illnesses for attention? Of course not. By sharing your story in a public forum, you will help to change the way people perceive issues of mental health.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kim. Much of the poor perception lies within those of us who suffer. At least that's how it was with me.
DeleteI am right there with you. I've battled anxiety all my life, but I didn't seek help until after my second son was born. I didn't think I needed help, not to mention my family isn't one to believe in "psycho babble." Taking it one day at a time is the way to go.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way and thought I could "cure" myself or that it would eventually go away. I hope it's getting better for you.
DeleteYup, I applaud you for writing about this too. I'm *all for* meds to help people. So many of my friends have been truly helped by medication. Anyway an important post - I always feel like moms who write about the "dark side" stuff are really brave because so many other moms might suffer from exactly the same thing...but when someone (like you) comes out of the shadows and talks about it, it helps.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ado! I appreciate your post. I think we need to realize that as moms we're just human and not Super-woman.
DeleteI think it's great that you can write about this, and help others as well as yourself. The more people that realize mental illness is common, and does NOT mean you are crazy, the better. Good luck on keeping those monsters locked away.
ReplyDeleteThanks Andrea. You nailed it on the head. It's more common than we realize. The monsters are kept at bay but every now and then they open the door and it's a fight to lock them back in.
DeleteI too have anxiety and (self-diagnosed) PTSD. I first noticed overly uptight/anxiety type stuff after my first child was born and took Prozac for awhile after weaning her. After my second child was born, and I started him, I noticed the same feelings, so I got on Paxil. Just 10 mg is all I need to take the edge off. I've had some PTSD since the night my husband almost died. His health problems are really what give me all the anxiety I think, and the hormone fluctuations of having babies just made it obvious.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. Obviously you're not alone!
I also take Paxil or Paroxetine to help level me. I hope your husband's health improves and you start to feel more in control.
DeleteUm, your Follow me on Twitter button is pointed to Twitter, not your handle... I'm @JenAnnHall if you'd like to follow me!
ReplyDeleteFixed. Thanks for pointing that out. I'm technologically challenged. :)
DeleteThanks for opening a window onto this issue. I think there's a sense that moms are *supposed* to be all fine and hunky-dory and rise above these things...but as we all know, being a parent is just about the hardest thing there is to do in the world (I suppose underwater brain surgery *might* be harder), so finding help where you can is a good thing. Finding support among friends, finding the right balance of medication - it's all important. What is it that Oprah always says? Gotta put on your own oxygen mask before you can help anyone else, right?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Sometimes I'd rather do brain surgery underwater, lol.
DeleteI think it's great that you're writing about this. The more people talk about such issues, the less stigma is attached to them, and the more people feel comfortable seeking help. I think if taking medication helps you, go for it.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for being open about this! I'm in the pills are good camp. I'm not ashamed that I need to take them every day to avoid crippling bouts of depression. As other people have already said, the more people are aware of these issues, the less stigma there will be.
ReplyDelete