Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Jesus Christ is fit and trim thanks to me or How I pissed off a lot of religious people

Whenever I get frustrated, or annoyed, I have this phrase that I say, Christ on a bike. Don't ask me where I got it, I think I heard some character utter it in a movie. Nicholas Cage comes to mind. Crap, now I'm going to go crazy trying to track down what movie I think I heard him say it in.

So like I said this is my go-to phrase when something exasperates me or really pisses me off. Say I'm waiting on a line at the post office for 15 minutes behind some pinhead woman who insists on questioning the price of each package she ships, has no clue how to fill out a customs form, and wants to split her payment up between cash and credit card. Christ on a bike, lady! (That's also a true story, by the way)

I don't think it's very bad or sacrilegious because I'm not taking his name in vain. Instead I'm taking his name and giving him some exercise. There's nothing derogatory about riding a bike. If someone were to say Sandy on a bike, I wouldn't be offended even though it's been years since I rode a bike. However, putting my name at the beginning of that phrase just doesn't have the same effect.

If Christ were here today I don't think he'd mind. In fact, Christ probably could have used a bike back in his time. It would've been easier on his feet and he'd have made good time in all his travels. Not to mention he'd be in awesome shape and could probably give Lance Armstrong a run for his money.

I once heard the phrase Christ on a cracker but that one just doesn't make sense to me. Why would he be on a cracker? At least he could ride the bike. I guess since there are many different names for God there are also different objects to put Christ on so long as it's not done in vain.

When my mom gets annoyed or is in disbelief about something she says Jesus Christmas. For example, the northeast just got hit with a huge snowstorm, and she said, "Jesus Christmas look at all that snow they got." I look at it this way, at least she's keeping Christ in Christmas.

I apologize if I've offended anyone with this post. Good God, that wasn't my intention.

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