Friday, October 4, 2013

The "I'm the wife and mom" costume

I can remember being in grade school in one of the younger grades and having to take part in the Halloween parade. We, my classmates and I, were all dressed in our costumes. I can't exactly remember what I was but I know my costume came in a box as opposed to the plastic bags many come in today. The "outfit" itself was usually made out of plastic that you tied to your body or stepped into. It also came with a huge mask that went over my face and was kept in place with an elastic band that stretched around the back of my head. It was simple, easy and as long as I stayed away from candles, I would have no problems because although it claimed to be made of flame-retardant material, I had no desire to test that out.

As I grew older my costumes became cooler, more creative, and less able to possibly go up in flames, except for when I dressed as Dracula and had a long, billowy, black cape. But I looked pretty cool, if not, cliche what with the slicked back hair and fake-looking fangs in my mouth. Back then vampires weren't as badass sexy as they are today.

One year I went as a Princess thanks to a friend of my mother's who made me a gorgeous glittery, powder blue gown from a pants suit she had complete with crown and matching wand. From tall, dark and vampy to royalty in a matter of years.

Fast forward to high school. A close girlfriend of mine let me look through her mom's costumes, because whose mom doesn't have several costumes hanging up in their attic? So I chose to be a "Roaring Twenties" flapper complete with fringed out red mini dress and headband with a feather sticking out. Thankfully it fit and even more thankfully the weather was unseasonably warm otherwise I might have froze my fringed butt off. (Back then and for many years after I dressed inappropriately for the weather, but I looked really good doing so.) Sadly, this was my last year trick-or-treating with my friends because for one thing we were 17 and therefore had become too old and also I couldn't be bothered with all that walking anymore even if it was for free candy. I know, blasphemy, right? However, the joke's on me since I get to do it all over again from a parental point. And I have to shell out money for a costume, although companies have come a long way from un-imaginative and cheap plastic masks. AND, I don't even get the candy from this neighborhood hike. I have to beg handouts and castoffs from my kid like someone asking "Alms for the poor, please."

I miss dressing up. Last year I told Bill I was going as a normal person since I'm a crazy person every other day of the year. He thought this was funny. And true. I'd call him a beast or a creep for that but it wouldn't be an insult since he's dressed as both (and scarier things) for Halloween. Maybe I'll buy one of those "This IS my costume" t-shirts. Or I'll make a sign that says "I'm Bill's wife and Christopher's mom" and wear that around my neck. Either way, this would be a non-issue if I only knew how to sew. Or if I had a friend here in Vegas who's mother had costumes in her attic.

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