Feeling the earth move under our feet

Friday we had a small earthquake. So small that many people didn't even know it happened until asked, Did you feel the earthquake? I googled it for confirmation and lo and behold, at 11:47 AM the earth shook in Las Vegas. I thought I felt some rumbling but I chalked it up to hunger. Or a side effect of the previous night's dinner.

Whatever, it's been the talk of the town this weekend. Some people say they felt it. Or they know someone who did. I didn't feel it but my cousin's sister's friend's hair stylist did. Bill was disappointed because he wanted to experience it. I told him that next time he's asleep I'll jump up and down on the bed and that should satisfy his curiosity.

I got to experience an earthquake once when me and my bestie were on vacation in California. I remember we were on the bed watching TV and all of a sudden everything started violently shaking. We were so clueless; we had no idea what was happening. We thought maybe something had hit the building. Then the breaking news came on to announce the quake.

Anyway, you know that scene in the movie Twister, when Bill, Jo and Bill's annoying fiance are in his truck and get side-swiped by two tornadoes, and after the initial fear and panic and tornadoes are gone, Bill and Jo look at each other and laugh and have this mini celebration?

Yeah well, me and my bff were a bit like that except with less hugging but equal excitement. This was many years ago so you can see, I was always a bit weird. Hey, it's not just the little things that make me happy. (Found a dollar in my pocket. Score!) It's the big, scary stuff, too, like living through Mother Nature's wrath. Bill and I love the above part in the movie and swear we would react the same way. And I've always thought there should be a ride modeled after this scene. Universal Studios, I'm lookin' at you.

Friday Funnies

Here are a few jokes I came across while cruising the Interwebz:



A duck walks into a bar with a rabbi on his head.
"What's the deal?" the bartender asks.
The duck says, "It's opposite day."


A guy goes to the psychiatrist wearing shorts made of clear plastic wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

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Some funny bumper stickers:

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

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And lastly, some words of wisdom from my fave comedian, George Carlin:

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

If you ask me a question, be prepared for an unusual reply

I might have mentioned that there has been a lot of construction and new home building going on in my area. Yay for progress! But sometimes the added traffic really blows. However, that's not what this post is about. I have a curious mind. A little twisted but still quite curious and so with all of this building I want to know if any bodies have been unearthed?

I admit at first it seems like a morbid and odd question. But, if you know me, you know that it's not that odd. Allow me to explain my reason for asking. Back in the day when only the Vegas Strip and downtown areas were inhabited, where I live was nothing but desert. And in those days the Mob ran things and probably traveled out here to dispose of their enemies, never thinking that one day people might be living here. I can't be the only one to think of this.

So with that in mind, a contractor could have dug up a body or two. Maybe a torso or a skull. I haven't heard anything yet and I check the news almost daily. Unless someone did find something and they're keeping it hushed up so as not to alarm potential buyers. I don't know why, though. I would consider it a selling point. But that's just me.

My only concern would be that they remove the body before building on it because no one wants to have a Poltergeist situation on their hands. While it might be cool to turn around and find your kitchen chairs stacked on your kitchen table in pyramid formation or to go sliding down the kitchen floor, I draw the line at monster trees and your kid being held captive in some demon dimension.

My mom and I were discussing all the construction going on. She wants to know if they plan to build any new schools to accommodate all the families with kids moving in. Good question. She asked what I thought and I replied with my question about finding any bodies. Then she gave me a look that was a cross between How can I be sure there wasn't a mix-up in the hospital when you were born and Lord, where did I go wrong?  She's never not sorry that she asks these questions. In my defense, she really should know better by now.

Anyway, I decided that the next time Bill and I go check out some newly built houses (Because we're nosy Josies, not that we're looking to move) and the sales rep asks if we have any questions I'm going to reply, Have your contractors found any bodies? It's a valid question. And I'm sure it's one they haven't been asked before. I anticipate a similar look to the one my mother gave me.

Story time featuring gas and poop

Sunday we went to a local festival/carnival. While walking through the vendor's booths we came upon one with children's books. Of course my eyes immediately went to two books that were standing side by side: The Gas We Pass: The Story of Farts and Everyone Poops. There's really nothing to say here. I know I have the mind of a juvenile. I even giggled like a middle schooler. Farts and bathroom humor never get old. At least not in my house.


I wanted to take a picture of them but the woman running the booth looked like a cranky school librarian and I didn't want to risk getting a stern talking-to about proper festival behavior so I just walked away. Instead, I found pics of the books online so I could share my amusement with you.

What I wonder though, is, of all the animals why they chose an elephant for the cover of the fart book? I guess it makes more sense than putting one on the cover of the poop book because we all know that elephants poop a lot and then the title would have to be changed to Everyone Poops But Some Poop More Than Others.

Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud

Sometimes I just blurt things out for shock value or just to be a smart ass. Or because in my own mind I think I'm very comical. Following are a few examples of Things I probably shouldn't have said out loud:

When discussing an odd-shaped sculpture:

Me: It looks phallic.
Other person: Um, we're going to fill it with an orchid.
Me: You should fill it with condoms.
Silence.



When discussing the size of the freezer attached to a large refrigerator at a newly built house:

Husband: Wow, check out how much room is in here.
Me: Yeah, you could totally hide a body in here. Without even having to chop it up first.
The other people looking through the house backed away quietly.




When discussing a new dosage of medication with a nurse at my doctor's office:

Nurse: What seems to be the problem with the medication?
Me: I think the doctor's trying to kill me.
Nurse: Can you hold, please?
Then she transferred me to someone else.


That old saying, Silence is Golden may be wise and truthful. However, it's just not as funny.

My cell phone is an evil little prankster

My cell phone is routinely confused and acts like it's been in the sauce. I'm not kidding. Check it: I have it set up to read the time, date, temperature and weather with the background pic displaying day or evening. Simple, right?

So, why at 3:10 in the afternoon is it showing night time? It's not like I live in some Polar region where night lasts for months. I live in the friggin' desert! Notice that above where it says Las Vegas in the lower right of the square, the sun is showing. Weird.

Liar, it's not really night time.

If I swipe to the second page and then back to this main page a few times it automatically changes from night to day time. Like my phone is trying to say, Ta-da! It's magic!  I suspect my phone is just messing with me like some evil little prankster. Or at the very least this is revenge for all the times I call it Stupid.

Silly phone, you were just pranking me.

I'm not tired, I'm cooling off my brain

I'm yawning but I'm not tired. My brain is hot. No, seriously. When your brain is warm, you yawn. This is so the air you take in orally can go and cool off your brain.

I did not just make this up.

When Bill first told me this after I was yawning one day, I thought he was crazy. I told him so. Then I saw something about this on some such TV show and Whoa! He wasn't kidding. So now every time I yawn I say, "My brain is hot."

I know that yawning is a signal that your brain isn't getting enough oxygen. Sometimes I yawn a lot so I guess my brain is often quite oxygen-deprived, which explains so much.


According to Wikipedia:

There are a number of theories that attempt to explain why animals and people yawn. It is likely that there are a number of triggers for the behavior. However, there are a few theories that attempt to explain the primary evolutionary reason for the yawn....

One study states that yawning occurs when one's blood contains increased amounts of carbon dioxide and therefore becomes in need of the influx of oxygen (or expulsion of carbon dioxide) that a yawn can provide...

 Another notion states that yawning is the body's way of controlling brain temperature....



Now the next time someone accuses you of being tired when you yawn you can simply say, Au Contraire, I'm cooling off my brain. Unless you crawled in at 3:00 am after a wild night out, then you might just really be tired.

Late to the party

I don't watch The Walking Dead. I don't follow Game of Thrones.

There I said it. For those of you who are new here, feel free to leave while looking disdainfully at me. I don't mind. I've mentioned a time or two, or six that I don't do trendy things. This extends to popular TV shows. I know this makes me sound like a snob but really it's more that I'm a bit picky about what TV shows I let myself get sucked into. I can be a hard sell.

And then there are times I'm (very) late to the viewing party. Whatever, at least I get there. Case in point, The Big Bang Theory. I know, it's been on for like 10 years now. What can I say? So I've been catching the reruns here and there and I recently started binge-watching it one season at a time.

I have done the palm-to-the-forehead smack several times for waiting so long to get into this show.

This show amuses me to no end, even though they reference a lot of brainy/techie things that I have no clue about and I end up feeling as lost as Penny. But can I just say, I love Sheldon. The way he speaks fluent sarcasm makes me so happy.

I also love their nerdy Science Fiction references. I could totally sit and hang out and eat Chinese food with them while wearing my new Avengers t-shirt. Until they start talking Quantum Physics and then I go across the hall and hang out with Penny.

Signs to make you laugh

It's a cool, rainy day here today and I have a case of the lazies so I'm just going to post some funny signs I came across on the Internet. Hope you have a good laugh or two.



I think these people mean business. Still, I would stick around to see all of this regardless of the danger.

The "and shit" really drives the point home.

Talk about a liquid lunch. And now we know why the Sales Department didn't come back to the office.

Would you like that in a cup or a bowl?

This sign made me laugh a little too hard. The only thing funnier would be to see that one person make a beeline off-course to find a bush.

Talk about motivation.

My birthday party fictional character guest list

It's my birthday and I was thinking about the birthday parties I had when I was much younger. And then I started to think about who I would invite if I had a party now. So I compiled a list of fictional characters I would invite to my birthday party. It's a whimsical mix of different personalities and different backgrounds. But all are from TV shows/movies and books that I love(d). Each would lend their own unique brand of something to make this party one for the ages.

I told Bill about this and he asked if he was on the guest list. I explained that he's not a fictional character and also he didn't need to be on the list because he should be there by default. Then he looked at me with that smirk that says You are so full of shit. Am not.

So here's my Birthday Party Fictional Character Guest List:


Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls - What's not to love about her? She's fun and funny and it would be like having your very best girlfriend there.

Raylan Givens from Justified - He's a badass with a cool hat. And could also help out when the inevitable fight breaks out.

Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory - He's sarcastic and amusing. I would initiate a game of musical chairs just to watch him freak out.

Ichabod Crane from Sleepy Hollow - He would be fun to teach current party activities to and to learn past party rituals from. 


Gomez Addams from The Addams Family - He's creepy but entertaining in a menacing and loveable way.

Holly Golightly from Breakfast At Tiffany's -She's the coolest party girl. And then after partying all night we could all go have a pastry in front of the Tiffany's windows.

Minions from Despicable Me 1 & 2 - This is an obvious choice.

Worf from Star Trek The Next Generation & Deep Space 9 - Well, what party wouldn't be complete without an alien? Besides Klingons are my fave ST villains.

Lois Lane from Superman -I would invite her to maybe talk shop since I was once a reporter and also hopefully the Man of Steel might make an appearance, too.

Bumblebee from Transformers - He could be the designated driver and DJ. It's a 2-for-1 with the coolest car ever.

Stephanie Plum from Janet Evanovich's Plum book series - She's from New Jersey. That's all the explanation needed. And if you've read the series, you know that something is bound to get blown up at the party.

Snoopy and the Peanuts Gang -Yes, because every party needs comic strip characters.

Dr. Teeth & The Electric Mayhem from The Muppet Show - I love Animal and I would let them sing Happy Birthday to me.

Lestat from The Vampire Chronicles - I would have to make sure there was some blood on tap for him. Who knows, he might hit it off with Gomez. Then again, probably not. One thing's for certain, he'd be the most well-dressed person in attendance.

There's so many others to add to this list and if I put them all down this post would be enormous, so I'll stop here. These are just the ones that immediately came to mind. If I break it down my list is comprised of:

4 women
4 men
1 alien
1 vampire
1 Transformer
Animated characters
Comic strip characters
Muppets

Now that's a party.

A weird post about pills, teeth and odd sentimentalities

I was cutting a pill in half on my nightstand one evening and one half stayed on the table and the other flew into my open drawer.

And why was the drawer open?

Because that's where I keep the knife.

And why do I keep a knife in my night table drawer?

Well, first of all, it's only a butter knife. I just thought I would clarify that before anyone thought otherwise and started watching the evening news for reports about a homicidal blogger. And no, I don't get cravings for buttered toast in the middle of the night. But I needed it for a similar reason when I was going off some meds a while back and had to start taking half doses. I just never returned it to the kitchen cutlery drawer. I'm lazy like that. And also forgetful, which explains that Payless coupon I came across from 2007. Besides one never knows when one might need a knife. They come in quite handy when you need a screwdriver but don't have one around.

So anyway, while searching for that half piece among all my jewelry, assorted papers, and other knick-knacks (hello Batman action figure), I found several loose teeth. I know, disturbing. Each time I saw a small piece of white I fished it out only to find it was a tooth.

At first there was disappointment. Where the hell is that damn pill half? Then, confusion. Why are there loose teeth in here?

Weird. This whole post is weird.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure the teeth belonged to Chris and fell out of a tissue they were in.

Why are his teeth in a tissue in my drawer?

Because I keep all the baby teeth he's lost. I'm oddly sentimental like that. Maybe I'm just plain odd. The husband says that's not only an obvious statement but an understatement.

In case you're wondering, I did finally find that stupid pill half. I now cut my pills with the drawer closed. The knife still remains in the drawer. The teeth are all in an enclosed zip-lock baggie. I cannot promise that this will be the last weird post.

When the movie is better than the book

Movies based on books is so hit or miss. Sometimes an author's work makes it to the big screen and is a wild success. Other times our beloved books are huge disappointments in theaters.

But what about the opposite? What about when the movie is better than the book? It happens. I might be in the minority when it comes to this but I have had it happen. I'll give you an example, but remember these are just my opinions so don't shoot the messenger, 'kay? Also, for those who have never seen these movies or read these books there are spoilers below so look away!

                                                                            VS.

I like the movie, Under The Tuscan Sun.  You know the one where Diane Lane's character goes through a bitter divorce and she takes a trip to Tuscany and impulsively buys a villa? She also cooks up these fantastically delicious looking meals that make me wish for my own personal Italian chef.

Anyway, as I was saying, I really enjoyed this movie so I was happy to find the book in my local library. It was a major bummer and I returned it after only making it halfway through the book. It was Nothing like the movie. In the book, Frances is happily married with kids and she and her husband buy the Italian villa together and spend time remodeling it. For those with wanderlust and a love of all things Italy this book is for you. I'm sorry to say I just wanted to revisit the characters and romance from the movie.

I do wonder - if I had read the book first and then seen the movie, would I have been equally as disappointed? Or pleasantly surprised? Or planning a trip to Italy? Olive Garden?


I just finished reading another book after having seen the movie first (and absolutely loving it!). This time I actually finished the entire book which means I wasn't completely discouraged when it ended up being different from the movie.

The book/movie I'm referring to is That Night written by Alice McDermott. The movie starred Juliette Lewis (Audrey in Christmas Vacation) and C. Thomas Howell (Ponyboy in The Outsiders).

The book itself was well-written and I might have enjoyed it more if I had read it first. But once again, I wanted to spend time with the characters from the movie. In this instance the movie kept true to some of the book but not enough for me. I guess Hollywood took some liberties. Not that I'm complaining.

By contrast, I've been reading the James Bond novels. I have seen all the movies, numerous times and I can honestly say the books are just as entertaining. Sure the movies are a feast for the eyes what with all the scenery and non-stop action but the books are exciting in their own right.

In the end, I guess sometimes an author's work is adapted and Hollywood hits it out of the park further than they initially intended. And sometimes you have a quirky fan like me.

Oh look, another joke about diabetes and candy

This is a somewhat serious post about diabetes. Non-d peeps, you're excused if you want to leave and maybe go watch some Family Feud. I hear Steve Harvey's 'got a good one for ya today'.
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Sigh.

Again with the stereo-type. You would think that in this day and age of vast information at our disposal that this would be a non-issue. But once again I come across a post on some social media site where someone makes a joke about diabetes and candy.

Then I weigh my options. Do I let it go? Do I (gently) respond? I usually take every opportunity to educate the un-informed masses about this myth but sometimes I feel like the Diabetes Police.

Sometimes someone comments about "Not having a sense of humor." Hmmm, let's see, holding my son's hand through a scary low blood sugar or watching him prick his finger for the 4th time in 2 hours as he battles high blood sugar is not my idea of funny. A joke that starts with, "A naked blond walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other..."is funny.

You wouldn't make jokes about cancer. Hey I'm about to go lay out in the sun, guess I'm getting cancer, ha ha :). No, because that would be cruel and insensitive. Yet that statement has more truth to it based on medical and scientific evidence. Sun and exposure to ultra-violet rays can cause cancer.

But eating candy or sugary foods DOES NOT cause diabetes. That's a fact. So I'm not sure why diabetes continues to be the punchline to all the sugar-based jokes.


Diabetes is not a joke. Making fun of a disease, any disease, that people suffer from is not funny.

I actually do have a sense of humor. Anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows this. I love jokes, pranks, slapstick comedy, and 80's movies with terrific one-liners.

In the end, I did reply to the original comment. I simply stated that eating candy doesn't cause diabetes. I even kept it light by referring to myself as a killjoy to the ha-ha. So far there's been no replies to mine.

How I do happy

I modified our ketchup bottle because Heinz asked me to. And also because I'm childish and immature. But seriously, their bottle specifically asked How do you Happy? So I replied. With a marker. This is the result:

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

Now I'm waiting until the other family members realize my handiwork. I'm pretty sure my son will find this hilarious. Then again, he's 11 so that goes without saying.

So Ketchup Company, you said Show us your Heinz. Here it is. Now, your turn. Also, I'm just kidding. I have no interest in your butts. I could use more ketchup though.

Road signs and their concerns and questions

Is it me or does something look different around here? Oh yeah, I changed the background color, some fonts and made a few other modifications. Call it Spring Cleaning. Or boredom. Now on to today's post. Yes, another blog entry so close to the last one. It's like the old days when I actually had more than 4 posts in a month. I'm almost giddy with excitement over this. Almost.
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A week ago we went to Mt. Charleston for the day. Chris was on Spring Break so we took advantage of the beautiful day. It was also about 20 degrees cooler, too. We even saw patches of snow and Chris was able to make a sloppy snowball and throw it at his dad. That made his day. The snow playing, not the snowball throwing. Anyway, the views were amazing and the air was clear.

While driving around I saw some signs that made me laugh and so I had Bill pull over so I could take a picture of one. I'm not sure what to make of this.

I'm more concerned with this sign.

Who's concerned? And why? I saw no water around to be concerned about. Unless they mean the water being supplied to the people who live here. But that would be more of a plumbing issue I think. Then again, I don't live here so it doesn't really concern me.


There was also a sign that said one mile with an arrow and a question mark. I couldn't get a picture of that sign without making Bill pull over precariously close to the edge of a 20 ft drop but it made me laugh nonetheless. Here's a crude reproduction I drew but you get the general idea.

I mean if they don't know what's up ahead then by all means let's just drive along and be surprised. It'll be an adventure!

We plan on visiting there again (the mountain, not the sign), maybe when there's more snow for Chris to play in. Hopefully the questions and concerns are diminished by then.

The fries from McDonald's song

I was eating some fries on the way home from picking up some McDonald's for dinner because we're into healthy eating and yes I am being sarcastic. Anyway, I started eating some of the fries out of the bag.

source

Because that's what you do when you have just-made, hot fries from McDonald's. And so I spontaneously made up a little song and it went something like this:

Eating fries out of the bag,
Because that's what you do
when you get fries from McDonald's.

I thought it was cute.  And so did Bill. He especially liked the "Because that's what you do" part. I'm not writing my Grammy Award winning speech yet but you have to admit, it is a little catchy.

But it only works with McDonald's fries. Burger King fries just aren't as good.

Confusing and weird job hunting communications

I'm still job hunting. And I still come across some weirdness when it comes to how companies communicate with prospective applicants.

Here's a recent example:

I applied to a job ad. I got a confirmation email that my application was received. So far, so good. Then, a couple days later I receive two emails from the company. Both started off with the obligatory Thank you for your interest in employment with our company. Then the first one continued with (and I'm paraphrasing) At this time we have decided to not move forward with your application.

The second email, time-stamped 2 seconds after the first one, said, We regret to inform you that this position has been canceled.

Confused much?

If you're that disorganized of a company then I'm happy to not work for you. And I thank you for saving me the trouble of smacking the shit out of you at a later date with the company stapler.

I briefly thought about sending my own two emails. One saying that I have decided not to move forward with my application for your position and the other saying that my interest in your company has been canceled. But most businesses these days send their generic emails from a NoReply email address so there went that idea.

In the meantime, still searching for my dream job as Movie Quote Extraordinaire with unlimited pizza eating perks. 

Here's what's happening

Hello Blog World!

I apologize in advance that this post will be a mash up of different things and not just focused on one topic. Consider it a bit like a convo with an old friend where you catch up on what's happening in one another's lives.

So today is April 1st, April Fool's Day or actually it was because now it's about 9:30 pm and many (a few?) of you will be reading this on April 2. I really didn't think this one through or else I'd have written and posted this in a more timely fashion. Okay, so April Fool's Day. A day for pranks and laughs but it means a bit more to me because 20 years ago today Bill asked me to marry him. I know, talk about timing. This says a lot about our relationship. Of course when I mentioned this to him he looked at me with that vacant I-have-no-idea-but-I'll-take-your-word-for-it look. What can I say? I may not remember what I had for breakfast yesterday, or if I even ate breakfast but I can remember certain dates with startling accuracy.

In other news I'm sad to say that my anxiety and panic attacks have resurfaced with a vengeance. I'm so upset by this. A year and a half ago I was forced to go off my meds because of insurance issues and for that year and a half I was fine. I felt clearer and a tad more emotional but best of all I had no attacks. I thought I finally had this thing beaten. What crap. About a couple of months ago I started experiencing those bad feelings. Then this past Saturday night I was out and a full blown panic attack came on. It really sucked. I saw my doctor and I'll be starting meds this week. This in itself makes me anxious what with the waiting to see what side effects there are and how my body reacts. Blech.


Okay let's talk about some fun stuff. Today in Pop Culture history:

1963 - ABC premiered General Hospital. I was a big fan of this show back in the 80's and early 90's when John Stamos and Rick Springfield were on.

1979 - Nickelodeon was launched. I remember watching You Can't Do That On Television. Today my son watches Spongebob.

Wow, a lot has changed. And yet, much has stayed the same. So what's been going on with you?

No, we won't forget about you

Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.

And so begins one of the most iconic movies of the 80s and one of my all time faves. Certainly one that I quote quite often.

It's been 31 years since that memorable Saturday detention with a group of misfits played by a cast that was affectionately dubbed "The Brat Pack". We've all grown up. Some of us have our own school-aged children who are or will go through the same teen angst portrayed in this movie. My kid is just 11 so I'll wait until his teen years before introducing him to the The Breakfast Club.


In the meantime, here's some fun trivia about the movie according to IDMb (with my comments in blue):

Judd Nelson made up many of the terms used in the movie, including 'Neo-Maxi Zoomdweebie'. I loved this back then and used it to refer to people who annoyed me.


Alison does not speak until 33 minutes into the film. She only squeaks and giggles in the first half hour. 


Other proposed titles were "The Lunch Bunch" and "Library Revolution". No, I don't think so. Good call on keeping it "The Breakfast Club", John Hughes.




At the very closing part of the film where Judd Nelson raises his fist in defiance, that was actually ad libbed. He was supposed to just walked into the sunset, so to speak, and the director asked him to play around with a few actions. When he was done and they were finishing up, Judd Nelson threw his fist up without running it by anyone. Everyone loved it, and it has become an iconic symbol of the 1980's. 

Yeah!

The joint's hoppin' today

Last week while waiting on line at the deli I met an interesting character. He wore a loud, Island-type shirt and came in like he owned the place. Reminded me of a wise-guy on vacation.

"Ay! The joint's hoppin' today." he boomed and then proceeded to make small talk with the workers behind the counter. I immediately made him for someone from the East Coast.

He grabbed a ticket and stood near me and of course I couldn't resist engaging him in conversation.

Me: You're from the East Coast.
Him: What gave it away? My big mouth?

Then he laughed and so did I.

Me: No, your accent. I'm from back East, too. You don't lose the accent.
Him: Yeah, I lost a lot of things but not the accent.
Me: Whereabouts are you from?


Then he told me he was from the Bronx and I nodded and told him I thought as much. He asked me where I was from and I replied that I used to live across the Hudson - New Jersey. We made more small talk about where exactly in Jersey I'm from. He seemed pleased when I mentioned living near the Meadowlands and said Oh yeah, home of the Giants, so I'm guessing he's a fan.

I asked him if he missed all the snow to which he replied: No way! Then we name-dropped a few grocery stores we shopped at back East. Next thing I know my order was done and I had to go.

So, how can you tell someone from the East Coast, specifically NY/NJ area?

Easy. It's the way we talk, or  tawk. We don't drink coffee. We drink cawfee. We don't turn things off. We turn them awff. And we don't just walk our dogs. We walk our dawgs.

I was out with my family one night and ordered a coffee for my mom and the waitress said to me, NJ, right?

Yup.

Disappointing pizza and darn good burgers

I'm not a foodie blogger and I don't pretend to be one either. However, I'd like to make a few foodie mentions. These are just mine (and the husband's) opinions and observations so take it with a grain of salt. Or pepper. Or cumin.

I'm not a fan of Papa John's Pizza but the husband is. He recently tried the bacon cheeseburger pizza that they've been advertising. And he was so disappointed. We had to take out the microscope to look for the bacon and meat. You know how in the commercial the little boy keeps saying Are you kidding me? Yeah, Bill said the same thing. He contacted the company to tell them his bacon cheeseburger pizza lacked the bacon and burger and they said someone would be in touch to follow up. That was more than a week ago. He's still waiting.

We're not the types to complain about every little thing but sometimes we let companies know if we're unhappy with something. And we do it in a nice way not like assholes who make a stink and expect something free to make up for it. By the same token we praise businesses if their services and products are great.

Saturday night we went to 5 Guys Burgers. This place makes the most amazing burgers I've ever eaten. I tried to eat my cheeseburger slow enough to enjoy it but basically inhaled the thing like an animal. So good. Even my picky son said he was blown away by their hot dogs. Then Chris and I wrote on their Appreciation Board. He drew a pic of a brain exploding and wrote Mind Blown under it.

It's funny because everyone is so excited that White Castle has finally come to Vegas and I was like White Who? Seriously.

The owner handed me a card and asked if I would contact their representative and give my thoughts on our dinner. So I called and basically told the woman who answered that this place is the Mt. Olympus of burgers.

I hope the company rep lets that particular store know that someone gave them rave reviews. I mean if I had called complaining that they forget the mayo on my bun they would probably let the owner know immediately. Complaints are so easy to give, pass on and believe. It should be the same with praise and recognition.

My suggestions to Netflix

I have a love/hate relationship with the Netflix app on my smartphone. Wait, perhaps I should clarify and say I have a love/hate relationship with the people who choose the content for Netflix. Sometimes they have some good things to watch. And sometimes I question whoever does the ordering of movies/shows for them? Like, are you high?

I don't think they take my past viewing history seriously when their suggestions for "Top Picks for Sandy" include movies like Liz and Dick or sitcoms like Leave it to Beaver. Sounds like bad porn. Maybe someone at Netflix is playing a joke on me.

Recently I was bored so I checked what They picked for me and I was happily surprised. The Twilight Zone. Roseanne. Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Weirdness, and sarcasm and slapstick hilariousness. Finally, they get me!

I really should write them with a few suggestions. For example, more classic movies and less movies I've never heard of. And while I do enjoy a good conspiracy theory I could do without all the doomsday shows. I know that in years to come our planet will either combust or plunge into a deep freeze; get taken over by aliens, zombies, or mutant killer bugs; or get hit by an asteroid or meteor. I just don't need to watch it. Repeatedly.

And could someone in charge of programming please add The Addams Family? I'm talking about the TV show not the movies. Yes, I enjoyed the movie versions but I love the original black & white show.

Also, Dirty Dancing is on some such TV channel every other week so is it really necessary to have it available on Netflix for months on end? Does someone really say Damn! I missed Dirty Dancing for the 1,257th time while it was on TBS. Now I'll have to go watch it on Netflix? Yes, the movie was great and yes Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze (may he rest in peace) were great, but come on.

My diversity in movie viewing is almost like sour patch kid candies - sour and sweet. Sometimes I want to watch old, romantic favorites like  Sleepless in Seattle and sometimes I want to watch action-packed, excessive violence like, The Expendables. And sometimes I want to binge-watch all the James Bond movies because he was a sexy badass who drove cool cars and had great music. Netflix, this is a not-so-subtle hint to you.

Writer's blah

You know how some writers sit at their computer or notebook and the words don't come? They read everything and anything and surf the Internet for inspiration while quietly glomming down pizza slices in an effort to break through their writer's block but to no avail. Yeah, that's not me.

I've been suffering from Writer's Blah. I have half written posts and pages in a notepad filled with blog topics but every time I attempted to post something I felt so meh and gave up. It's like when you're wearing your shabbiest undies and least favorite t-shirt and those jeans you spilled nail polish on because you haven't done laundry in a long-ass time so instead you plop down on the couch and play Candy Crush. Because doing laundry is so ugh.

Since I've been absent a lot has happened. My car has been given a bleak prognosis. Sleepy Hollow ended its season, which now leaves Monday nights open and boring. And Spock died. Christ, no wonder I've been laying low around here. No one wants to read depressive schlock.

On that note let's switch gears and talk about some happy, superficial, funny stuff.  Last week while driving around I came upon some cars with really cool bumper/window stickers. I followed one such car and snapped a quick pic with my phone. It's okay, we were both stopped at a traffic light.

We need 1.21 gigawatts and the flux capacitor!

I also saw a sticker on the back of another car that said: Fight the dead, Fear the living. Ya know, there's some truth to that one. Unfortunately I couldn't get a pic because the traffic lights and other drivers wouldn't cooperate.

Here's hoping that March is a better month filled with more snarky posts and less snow for those back East. And Shamrock Shakes for everyone!

I know this guy, or at least I thought I did

For Valentine's Day the husband got me brakes for my car. Not the most romantic thing but practical and necessary. It's better than a Jelly of the Month club subscription because it says "I love you and I want you to be safe". And not accidentally kill anyone on the road. In case people are wondering, yes I did receive other little gifts for that day but the brake job was the biggie.

My vehicle has started to show its age. It's still reliable and damn good on gas but it needs work. For example, the a/c is shot. Thankfully it waited until the end of last summer before crapping out. Living out here in the desert where the temperature reaches 110 degrees in the summer months, air conditioning is mandatory. And costly to repair.

The other day Bill told me he mentioned this to a co-worker. The co-worker said he knew a guy who might be able to do the job and not charge us an arm and a leg.

Now, you know how we speak in movie quotes? Usually one of us will do a bit and the other person catches on and we recreate the entire scene. Bill started and let's just say I dropped the ball. On the wrong guy. Here's how the conversation played out:

Bill: We might be able to get the car fixed at a reasonable price because B told me he knows a guy.

Me: (At this point I'm just looking at him, waiting for more info.)

Bill: His name is Danny.

Now, he's looking at me expecting the obvious reply. And my inner dialogue is going Uh oh! He's expecting a reply. I'm supposed to say something. What am I supposed to say?!  And so I quote from a SpongeBob episode.

I knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy who knew this guy's cousin.

And he looks at me all disappointed and says, "No, from Ocean's Eleven. Danny Ocean? I know a guy?"

Smack to the forehead. Of course!! I hate when I screw up a perfectly good pop culture reference. 


In case you're curious:
*The SpongeBob episode is where SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward go camping outside in front of their homes and encounter killer sea bears.

*The Ocean's Eleven scene is near the end of the movie when George Clooney's character, Danny Ocean, is confronted by Andy Garcia's character, Terry Benedict, about a robbery in Benedict's casino. Also, I'm talking about the remake of the original movie which featured the Rat Pack.

*It's scary and ridiculous how easily I can recall these things but have no idea where I put the pen I was using 5 minutes ago.

Not so happily ever after

So I think I'm the only woman who could give a hoot about that 50 Shades movie coming out this weekend. I didn't read the books and I have no interest in doing so. Not that the subject matter bothers me, I just don't do what's trendy. But that's me and I'm weird like that.  Now, I may not have read the book but I know it's about a couple and if you're like me you always root for the two leads to ride off happily into the sunset or, at least go off to get ice cream together.

Then I got to thinking, what about stories where the couple didn't end up happily ever after? It happens. Pisses me off but still, it happens.

Valentine's Day is all about love and romance and sadly some of the best known love stories, like the ones below, did not end on a warm and fuzzy note.


Rhett and Scarlett from Gone With the Wind: Every time she watches him walk out the front door I want to slap her silly for not running after him. Actually I want to smack her for choosing Ashley over Rhett to begin with. Girl, what were you thinkin'?


Romeo & Juliet: Two families who can't get along forcing their kids who love one another to commit suicide. Way to go people.


Heathcliff and Cathy from Wuthering Heights: Pride. Vanity. Greed. Jealousy. And love. All the ingredients for a seriously tragic love story.



Jack and Rose from Titanic: I'm one of those people who think that Rose could have moved over and made room for Jack.


Anakin and Padme from Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: I'm not as big a fan of the prequels as I am of the original trilogy. That being said, the entire ending annoyed me and made me want to bop George Lucas on the head.


There are so many others, in fact, there are tons of ill-fated love stories in both movies and literature. It's rather depressing. I think I'm going to counter it with some chocolate chip cookies and watching a romantic comedy like 13 Going On 30. This way I can be mushy and laugh at the same time. Plus it has a great 80s soundtrack.

My fictional Valentine's Day gift ideas

Valentine's Day is coming up. Now, I don't go for the traditional gifts that women have come to expect, like hearts and flowers. Except for candy. My fearless husband knows I like my chocolates. However, I got to thinking about some fictional gift ideas I would like to receive. I've been on a Marvel kick lately so that explains some of the items on my list. The others are just because I like the weird and unusual.

Thor's hammer - I thought it would seem inappropriate to ask for the God of Thunder himself so I'll settle for this instead. You know, Mjolnir, the big, metal object he wields? I'm clarifying for those with X-rated minds. But seriously, how cool would this be to? Difficult nails would be a thing of the past. So would difficult people, for that matter.

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Jarvis - You can have Siri or Cortana. I want my very own intelligent computer system. Jarvis, bake me some cookies! Jarvis, help my son with his math homework. It practically pays for itself.

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In keeping with the spirit of the holiday I wouldn't mind some jewelry. But not the Valentine's-y diamonds and pearls. I want Lily Munster's bat necklace. It's certainly unique. Do you think Hermann went to Jared?

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I've mentioned my like of handbags before so it should come as no surprise that Carrie's self-designed handbag on The Carrie Diaries is on my list. But, with my name instead of hers because that would be just awkward to walk around with someone else's name on your purse.  And every time someone would ask if my name was Carrie I would be forced to answer with something like, No, I just use her bag.

The necklace and pocketbook seem the easiest to get. And knowing Bill the way I do, he would probably take our son's fake hammer from when he was Thor last Halloween and present it to me for Valentine's Day. It being the thought that counts and all.

What's on your fictional list?

So much awesome packed in one box

Last month I received a Vox Box of goodies from Influenster. It was filled with all sorts of cool things like makeup and candy and it was like Christmas came early. (the fact that it was a week before the holiday is beside the point) This box featured a little something for every version of me: the makeup wearing fashionista; the cooking hausfrau; the sit home in sweats while watching a movie and snacking slacker; the tea drinker.

Fruit Vines Bites by Red Vines
These are straight up yum. You know how some candy pieces have that too sweet and artificial taste? No? Anyone? Bueller? Well, these don't have that. They're soft and chewy and actually taste just like the fruit. Cherry flavored candy, these people know the way to my heart. Any chance I could sample the snozzberry flavored ones next?


EcoTools Hair brush
I love the brush I have now so I was a bit hesitant at first but I have to say this hair brush is pretty darn smooth. In fact I feel like Snow White getting dressed by the forest animals and birds are brushing my hair when I use it. Okay, maybe not quite that dramatic but it doesn't snag my hair, especially when it's wet so I'll keep using it.


NYC Expert Last Lip Color in Sugar Plum
I'm a big fan of NYC so I was excited to get this. The color is pretty. Not too in-your-face but subtle. It goes on smooth and lasts for quite a long time. I thought I would spare everyone from a silly duck lips pic so here's my smirk instead.

Kissy kissy

I left my mark on a few cups, faces, and tissues.

Rimmel Gentle Eye Makeup Remover
If you're like me and don't like oily residue or makeup that's hard to remove then this is the product for you. It's not harsh and doesn't sting and removes all your makeup gently and easily. Thanks Influenster for conveniently including this so I could cleanly remove all this cool new makeup.


Rimmel ScandalEyes Waterproof Kohl Kajal Eyeliner
When I was younger I used to wear eyeliner. Lately I started getting back into wearing eye makeup although my attempts at doing the smoky-eye look resemble more of a black eye but we won't talk about that. This eyeliner goes on smooth and looks quite nice if I do say so myself. I tried to take a selfie of my eyes with the eyeliner on but well, my co-ordination leaves a lot to be desired.

McCormick Gourmet Thyme
I grew up around the McCormick brand. My mom always keeps their seasonings on hand so I was happy to find this in my box. I love the smell of thyme. I add it to my meatloaf and meatballs and use it as part of the rub for my steaks and london broils. And now I have that Simon & Garfunkel song in my head....parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme...


No. 7 Protect & Perfect Advanced Serum
To help reduce those fine wrinkle lines brought on by the stress of being a super-woman. Or, maybe just to conceal the effects of Father Time marching across my face.


Celestial Seasonings Candy Cane Lane Decaf Green Tea
If green tea and a candy cane had a baby this would be it! All the benefits of green tea and the yumminess of peppermint. All that's missing is a roaring fire in the fireplace and snow falling outside. But I live in the desert so I'll have to settle for a hot cup of this tea and cozying up on my couch while watching a movie like The Holiday.


Disclosure: These products were received complimentary of Influenster for testing purposes. All opinions are my own.

I'd rather be in Philadelphia, preferably eating a cheese steak

I wish I could say I haven't been posting on here because I've been off visiting some exciting places but, I haven't. We did have company from out of town visit for a few days. And Bill was unofficially offered a job in another state, which he turned down because we have no need to re-locate.

January has been filled with a whole lot of, what's the word I'm looking for? Stuff. Busy, mundane, daily stuff. A lot of the month was spent just trying to establish a regular routine again after all the holiday hub-bub, Bub.

All in all, I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

That's been my go-to phrase lately when I'm overwhelmed or just really bored. I stole borrowed it from "Gilmore Girls" in the episode where Richard has a heart attack. While he's in the hospital, someone asks him How are you doing? and that was his reply.

I think I might have been to Philly once. At the very least I drove through. Now I'm in the mood for a cheese steak.

I couldn't find a Gilmore Girls gif or video of the quote but here's a pic of a cheese steak. Drool with me.

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At first these are funny, but then, I wash my hands of this weirdness

 Sorry I haven't posted anything new in a while. So here, Captain Jack Sparrow and some weird/funny pics to make up for it. Enjoy and happy ha-ha's!

 

I love trolling the Internet for funny images, stories and whatnot. I came across these which at first made me laugh but then I thought, I wash my hands of this weirdness.


Oh, so you're supposed to open the doors first before entering. Bump on head fully explained now.

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Apparently sleeping with the fishes is prohibited here.

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Trees falling out of nowhere and onto your car definitely counts as the unexpected.

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You want to send what to my 11 year old kid?: Policing your child's cell phone messages

Last August we bought my son his first cell phone for his birthday. We did this more for practical reasons pertaining to his diabetes. I wanted to be able to communicate with him regarding his blood sugar levels when he was at his friend's house, school, or just out with other family members. This special gift was also conditional on his making and keeping good grades. So far, so good. No complaints and no negatives.

Fast forward to today. I'm in his room tidying some things up while he checks his phone and to his delight he has several text messages. Then he says, "I don't know these people." Now I'm three shades of curious and I ask to see them. The contact name of these texters are a series of letters that resemble a cat walking on the keyboard: dzldjmgskgjgjagnk. I open them to find someone offering to send naughty pics to my 11 year old kid.  

What in the holy hell??

Now, I realize that these  buttheads are unaware that they've messaged a minor. But you know what, I really don't care. I would be just as pissed off if that message was sent to me. And I'm in my 40s! I hate unwanted solicitations. I hate pornographic unwanted ones even more.

Most people would probably have just deleted those messages. But I'm not most people. So I replied with a text of my own that said: This number belongs to an 11 year old. Do not text this number again or I will contact the police.

Then I told my son that if he received another text from either of these numbers or any other questionable texts/voicemails that he should let me know immediately. So far it's been quiet.

I believe I'll get there even if I'm not currently sure of the way I'm going

We are four days into the New Year and I haven't written anything here and for that I apologize. I've been trying to get my bearings.


A whole new year stretches in front of us and it's both exciting and scary. Makes me think of a brand new notebook that you buy with the intent of writing all sorts of things like stories, poems and lists. But when you open it you get kind of overwhelmed with how and where to start so you just begin doodling and day-dreaming and before you know it an hour has gone by and all you have to show is some stick figures and weird shapes. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to.

Anyway, that's how I've been feeling since we turned the calendar. I want to be better and do better this year. How best to begin? Should I do this? Or that? Or maybe try something else entirely. And of course when it all becomes a bit too much I grab a book or turn on the TV except there's been a lot of crap on TV lately which is a bummer.

I think my biggest problem is that I'm at Point A and I know I want to get to Point B, I just don't know quite how to get there. Maybe I should have made a resolution to get a better map.

X - you are here

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                                     Do I keep going? Is this the right way?

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I have to believe that I will get to where I need to be. And I'm thinking that my word of the year should be: Believe. Or maybe it should be pizza?